The new front in Luton’s rivalry with Watford … Coldplay?

TWISTED LOGIC

When Luton reached the Championship playoff final last season, every single one of their fans who made the trip to Wembley travelled with A Head Full of Dreams. Following their victory over Coventry, those supporters prepared to embark on the Adventure of a Lifetime in the Premier League, having seen their team travel Up & Up through the divisions since they’d dropped from the top flight to the Conference at the Speed of Sound. After years of Trouble in Town, the most unlikely of promotions to the promised land had been secured for Luton, a put-upon club and their long-suffering supporters who had longed for Something Just Like This.

Before their first season as a Premier League club, it was widely predicted that Miracles [so we’re ploughing on with it then? – Football Daily Ed] would be required if Rob Edwards’ side were to avoid being relegated before the Christmas Lights were switched on, but with the Clocks due to go forward next week, Luton are still hanging in there. They hover just above the thick black line, despite the occasional Rush of Blood to the Head that has cost them priceless points against fellow strugglers at home. But then, for a plucky underdog punching above its weight in English football’s top tier, this is the reality of Everyday Life. They might stay up, but even if they are consciously uncoupled from the Premier League they’ll soon have a new stadium and be able to enjoy the compensation of those payments afforded to relegated teams known as Parachutes.

OK, cigarette lighters down, mobile phone lights off and enough already with the Coldplay crowbarring. Once described as purveyors of music for the kind of people who don’t like music, Chris Martin and chums aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Their frontman, as opposed to his Bristol Rovers counterpart of the same name, has promised they will stop writing new material some time next year but until then we’re stuck with them. And to be honest, it’s a small mercy for which Football Daily is extremely grateful as we approach the knockings of the current international break and find our big cupboard o’ content extremely bare, save for a morsel regarding an appeal from some Luton fans to the band whose – checks notes – “soaring choruses, catchy melodies and introspective lyrics” have earned them headline status on the bill of BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend 2024.

Due to take place in Stockwood Park, not much further than a Thomas Kaminsky goal-kick over the Kenilworth Road stand, news of Coldplay’s top billing has prompted some fans to request that Martin change the lyrics of his band’s hit single Yellow to match the orange colour of their club’s home shirt for the evening that’s in it. In what might be construed by some purists as an act of desecration similar to that of changing the colours of a small rectangle on the collar of an England shirt, mad Hatters are suggesting Coldplay flick metaphorical Vs in the direction of nearby rivals Watford. “We’ve seen some of the world’s biggest teams come to Kenilworth Road and have to adapt their style of play,” parped councillor James Taylor. “So why not have the world’s biggest band come to Luton and change the words just for us?” Kev Harper, of the Luton Town Supporters’ Trust agreed that a reimagining of the lyrics would go down well with locals. “The crowd would love it,” he tooted, adding the band should have named the song “Orange in the first place, it’s a superior colour”.

And while all this yellow/orange chat is b@nter out of the very top drawer, with the Big Weekend scheduled for a week after the Premier League season ends, Football Daily can’t help but feel that a cover version of either Status Quo’s Down Down or Survivor by Destiny’s Child might be more appropriate. If nothing else, both are bangers and vastly superior to any of the bland, plodding meat-and-potatoes fare with which Coldplay are more usually associated.

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