Few would argue that Olivier Giroud’s wife is a lucky woman. Married to the Premier League’s most handsome footballer, and arguably one of the best-looking men in history, you’d think she could spend her days gazing into his twinkly blue eyes, admiring his perfect bone structure and stroking his rigid biceps and be blissfully happily in this world.

But it turns out that Mrs Giroud wants more from life than this. Because while she doubtless enjoys all the activities listed above, her enjoyment is dependent on where she does them, and she reportedly doesn’t want to do them in Dortmund.

The Mirror reports that the Arsenal striker’s move to the German giants could be “blocked” by his other half because she is not keen to leave London.

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But most alarmingly for Gunners fans, this means their move for Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang could also be scuppered, because Dortmund are reluctant to let the Gabonese goal machine leave unless Giroud arrives as his replacement.

Mrs Giroud reportedly has previous on this kind of geographical inflexibility, having also allegedly prevented her hubby moving from Arsenal to Everton last summer because she didn’t want to live in Liverpool.

It’s all rather infuriating for the legions of women, homosexual men and, yes, even heterosexual men who would kill – literally – to live with Olivier Giroud in the city of his choice.

The German paper Bild reports that the Gunners have increased their bid for Aubameyang from £48.3m to £50.9m, but this all seems rather futile unless the Dortmund tourist board send Mrs Giroud some very persuasive leaflets.

Man Utd turn attentions to Seri

Things are all going more smoothly for Manchester United who, having finally captured the Arsenal forward Alexis Sanchez, are looking to add the Nice midfielder Jean Michael Seri to their ranks.

The Sun says Red Devils manager Jose Mourinho is “pushing hardest” for the 26-year-old Ivorian, who has also been linked with Manchester City, Liverpool, Barcelona and Paris Saint-Germain, and could complete a deal within the next week.

Magpies consider club-record bid

When Newcastle United smashed their transfer record to sign Michael Owen from Real Madrid for £16m in 2005, they probably didn’t think it would take another 13 years before they broke it again. But a decade of Mike Ashley penny-pinching later, it looks like it could finally happen.

The Mail reports that the Magpies have “made enquiries” for Leicester City’s £20m-rated striker Islam Slimani, although the 29-year-old Algerian has only started one league game since September so Ashley may aim to get him for cheaper than his recommended retail price.

Various other clubs are willing to splash out to secure Premier League survival, with Swansea City offering Atletico Madrid playmaker Nicolas Gaitan a wage of £120,000 a week to help them beat relegation (Sun) and West Brom willing to pay Borussia Dortmund’s former Chelsea forward Andre Schurrle £140,000 a week to spend a few months at the Hawthorns (Mail).

Elsewhere, Real Madrid have renewed their attempt to sign Man Utd goalkeeper David de Gea (Marca), West Ham are set to block Javier Hernandez’s attempt to leave the London Stadium this month because literally all their other strikers are injured (Express) and Ronaldo (the Brazilian one) has revealed he wants to purchase a “second-tier team” in either England or Spain (Mail). He’d be a fool to overlook Burton Albion.