Growing up in Chingford, it’s unlikely that Harry Kane learned to speak Spanish to a fluent level, or made any friends who were Spanish. And even if he did go to Spain on holiday, he seems like the kind of guy who would have confined himself to the “strip” where they serve English breakfasts and you can watch Jeff Stelling on Saturday afternoons.

But somehow, someone in Spain has reportedly got the inside track on his most private conversations – and these conversations reveal that the Tottenham striker wants to move to Real Madrid.

According to Don Balon – via the Mirror – Kane has “told pals” that he dreams of playing alongside Cristiano Ronaldo and is seeking to quit his boyhood club for the Bernabeu. Are they Spanish pals? How did the Sun not find out about this first? What is going on?

Gabonese goal machine up for grabs

A few months ago, Borussia Dortmund were doing everything in their power to keep Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang at the club. Now, they are reportedly trying to give him away.

And the team tipped to be the recipient of this lavish Christmas present is Chelsea.

READ MORE: Wenger insists Ozil and Sanchez will not leave Arsenal in January

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READ MORE: Wenger insists Ozil and Sanchez will not leave Arsenal in January

The Mirror says the Blues have been “offered” the chance to snap up the Gabonese goal machine in January. (So, technically, it’s a bit late to be classed as a Christmas gift, and they’ll also probably want some money for him.)

But it may nonetheless be a welcome proposal for Antonio Conte, who has become overly reliant on the form and fitness of Alvaro Morata with his back-up striker Michy Batshuayi out injured (and rarely trusted when fit).

The only question he might ask is why Dortmund are so desperate to get rid of a player who has scored 17 goals in 19 games for them this season.

It’s not like they don’t need him. This weekend, BVB drew 4-4 with Schalke after being 4-0 up when the 28-year-old was sent off.

“Poor timekeeping” has been suggested for his transfer availability. He must have been having some truly monumental lie-ins to make it a selling offence.

Man Utd move to the left

Meanwhile, Manchester United are reportedly targeting four left-footed players in the summer transfer window.

Not four left-backs, or even four left-wingers. Simply four players who are left-footed. They are – according to the Manchester Evening News – Gareth Bale, Danny Rose, Mesut Ozil and Antoine Griezmann.

It’s not an either/or scenario then, but simply a case of revamping one side of Jose Mourinho’s squad.

The paper adds that Mourinho “has also struggled to find a solution for the right flank”. Doesn’t sound good does it?

Elsewhere, Man Utd starlet Angel Gomes is wanted by Borussia Dortmund after stalling on signing a new contract at Old Trafford (Sun), Stoke City will reject any offers for winger Xherdan Shaqiri in January (Talksport), Arsenal are set to appoint Barcelona’s director of football Raul Sanllehi as part of recruitment reshufffle (Mail). He should suggest signing Andre Gomes on his first day in charge, just as a laugh.