Gymnastics abuse scandal: 'I'd give back all my medals just to be happy'

Sitting at his family’s kitchen counter, the father’s composure falters, his face crumples and he moves out of shot of the video call momentarily. He wipes away tears as his daughter admits that she would give back every medal if only to have been “happy”.

The 18-year-old is a former junior world champion gymnast, and her story is as harrowing as countless others that have revealed widespread abusive coaching in the sport in the UK. The gymnast, who along with her father does not want to be named, was subjected to excessive weighing from the age of 10 to 16 in the elite system. After years of being screamed at for gaining as little as a tenth of a kilogram, she developed anxiety and depression as well as an unhealthy relationship with food and her appearance.

“I’m still obsessed by weight. I weigh myself every day, twice a day, because that’s all I’ve ever done,” she says. “Body image is really hard for me. I hate the way I look because I was trained that this childlike body is ideal. I have this mental battle of regret, like if I hadn’t done gymnastics I could have lived a normal life.”

“It has probably been the hardest in the last week,” her father says of the memories brought up by other gymnasts speaking out. “You go through gymnastics thinking it’s all about lows and highs – you go through the lows to achieve the highs. So it is really gutting to find out that the highs don’t compensate and actually it’s deep-rooted, long-lasting pain. She wrote notes at the time of stuff that went on, and some of that is heartbreaking. There was one where she had written, ‘Quite frankly, all I want for Christmas is to be happy’.”

Olympians Dan Keatings and Lisa Mason do not ever want to experience the same hurt parents like him are enduring across the country. Mason, now 38 and a mother of two, says she has no trust in the present system, so would never enrol her youngest daughter in the sport in which she was crowned Commonwealth champion in 1998.

She knows all too well the culture of fear that exists in that world, something she accuses British Gymnastics of enabling. She wants to fight to change it though, which is why she became a whistleblower on Monday when she – along with Catherine Lyons – told her story on prime-time television.

“I was shaking, it was a mixture of anger and relief at the same time,” Mason says. “But I was enraged watching Athlete A, thinking this is not just a specific federation, this is how it was and how it is [in the UK]. I felt like so many people have been scared for so many years to speak up and say anything and so, for me personally, it was kind of, ‘Why am I scared? This is enough now’. It was time to speak.”

It lit the match, and what followed was a week in which British Gymnastics failed in its attempts to extinguish the wildfire of accusations that spread to the heart of its organisation. Mason and others called for the resignation of Jane Allen, its chief executive, while the national governing body scrambled to announce an independent QC-led review.

Stories of physical and emotional abuse of gymnasts as young as seven drew national attention. World-class programme gymnasts Becky and Ellie Downie then said the wellbeing of children was “more important than an Olympic medal” and outlined their own stories of being fat-shamed and forced to train on injuries.

Meanwhile Allen remained as CEO, as she has done for the past decade, and called the revelations “appalling”. But some – including Keatings – claim to see through this. He has spent the week feeling sadness at reading the familiar stories but also a slight vindication, as he attempted to lift the lid on the damaging environment in 2017. It did not create the same domino effect as now though, and British Gymnastics was allowed to go quiet on the abuse then.

It is why Keatings is “sceptical” of Allen’s reassurances that the organisation will do everything it can to make things right – including not interfering in the review process.

“I feel the only reason they’re doing it now is there’s so many people coming together as a collective, at the same time and so publicly as well. They have to do something – they can’t not,” Keatings says. “But British Gymnastics is a huge organisation right from toddler level through to elite. They’re going to try to hide things as much as possible.”

Keatings, 30, reached the highest level of the sport, and was Britain’s first World Championship medallist in the all-round competition. But, like Mason, he says that when he is routinely asked if his two-year-old son will grow up to be a gymnast like his father, his answer is “no way”.

It makes 2012 Olympian Jennifer Pinches sad that this is what her sport has come to, but she stands by Keatings’s doubts as to Allen and other senior members of the national governing body’s innocence in affairs.

“Dan Keatings and others have raised these concerns in the past and there wasn’t an independent investigation then,” Pinches, 26, says. “Why are they so shocked and horrified about these allegations? It’s not new to [Allen]. We need to look into who are the key people at the top who ignored past allegations and have been complicit. Because if they can’t be held accountable, how can anybody be held accountable? Evidence suggests Allen is not a suitable person for this role.”

Pinches, Keatings and Mason agree that part of the reason this remains an issue few gymnasts feel safe discussing is the subject nature of selection. “The gymnasts that are in the squads right now are in a very vulnerable position,” Mason says.

“You’ve got Tokyo around the corner and you’re living in this environment where you are fearful, these people ultimately are dictating your future. If anyone is seen rocking the boat, they can just turn around and say we’re not taking you.”

Pinches knows for certain that there is an alternative. She has experienced a healthy culture in a top-level environment after competing in college gymnastics at UCLA, where a holistic approach that “put athletes first” was key.

“Going to UCLA was like my retirement reward for enduring an elite career,” she says. “I don’t want that to come across as I hated every minute of my career, but I know a lot of gymnasts would rather have enjoyed years of their life, and have healthy mindsets and relationships with their body image, than have that medal.”

Her words are eerily reminiscent of those of the father and daughter gymnast, and confirm the pandemic British Gymnastics is dealing with.