Hey, a win’s a win’s a win, ain’t that the truth?

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COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS … AND YET …

It was a good weekend for Chelsea Football Club. On Saturday afternoon, their men’s team were comprehensively outplayed by John McGinn. Their new midfield enforcer displayed all the poise and grace of Lennie from Of Mice and Men as essayed by Bernard Bresslaw on rollerskates, and was hooked at half-time. They could easily have shipped three or six goals. Yet they’re not champions of Europe for nothing, and their newly found defensive resilience – more down to the highly skilled arms of octo-keeper Édouard Mendy, than any significant tweak made by tactical genius Not Frank Lampard – allowed Romelu Lukaku the opportunity to snaffle a couple up the other end and seal a 3-0 win the Blues kind of really didn’t deserve. But hey, a win’s a win’s a win, ain’t that the truth?

Related: Sam Kerr’s double leads Chelsea to emphatic WSL win over Everton

Chelsea’s women were far more convincing, the highlight of their 4-0 victory over Everton being Erin Cuthbert’s warp-speed woodwork-bothering half-volley which teed up Beth England for a rout-sealing tap-in. Emma Hayes was delighted with her team’s performance, taking the opportunity to point out that Chelsea are only so good because they’ve “worked with one manager for a long time so it’s easy to tweak things”. Her opposite number Willie Kirk will hope that message hasn’t gone unheeded in the Everton boardroom, given the result made it two 4-0 losses out of two, and that Ev board member Sarvar Ismailov was at the same time composing, posting, then quickly deleting the pithy tweet “Unacceptable”. Oh Willie! Oh Sarvar! Listen to Emma, boys, give it time. Emma knows.

If nothing else, that Twitter fiasco showed that club DNA is transferable between genders, in that Everton’s men have made a habit in recent years of talking things up too quickly with the green shoots barely out of the soil, only for things to go belly-up quicksmart. Kirk et al, currently bottom of the WSL, had Big Cup qualification in their sights, so … well … y’know. While the Everton hierarchy go off to reassess ambitions, Hayes and Chelsea can start planning for yet another showdown with Wolfsburg in the first-ever Big Cup groups. Today’s draw meanwhile put Arsenal in the same section as European champions Barcelona, and Gunners boss Jonas Eidevall will desperately hope Everton’s gender-fluid experience with historical club characteristics is a scientific outlier, given Arsenal Women once beat Barça 7-0 on aggregate while the men … well … let’s not belabour that particular point.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Will Unwin for red-hot MBM updates of Everton 0-0 Burnley at 8pm UK time.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“[Rami] Kaib got a knock on his jaw during a game. He continued training and eating. He ate a carrot and that carrot was quite hard. And then, crack, a broken jaw” – Dutch journalist Roelof de Vries reveals the dangers of eating uncooked vegetables after the Heerenveen defender was ruled out for a number of weeks with jaw-knack.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Join Max Rushden and the pod squad as they chew over the weekend’s action.

FIVER LETTERS

“Anyone out there still watch football on TV with commentary? Me neither. Who would when you can have subtitles? BT’s subtitler on Palace v Spurs gave Harry Kane a ‘Big Sur’ prize when he didn’t get the free-kick he expected. Later the ‘Royal International Horse Show’ got involved!” – Tim Lynch.

“Why has the crest on Pep’s coaching top melted slightly? Did the kit man put it on a 60 degree long cycle instead of a 30 degree quick and cool?” – Liam Rodden.

Pep Guardiola
One for the ‘delicates’ setting. Photograph: Xinhua/Shutterstock

“Regarding Brian, The Fiver’s downtrodden substitutions board (Fiver passim): I wouldn’t trust any character who claims to have been assembled in a factory and to have originated from a mother. Still, I am forced to admit that he or it (a cyborg?) does fit quite nicely into The Fiver’s unrelenting air of peevished befuddlement” – Tony Thulborn.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Tony Thulborn.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Harvey Elliott says he has been “totally overwhelmed by the love and support” after badly dislocating his ankle in Liverpool’s 3-0 Premier League win at Leeds.

José Mourinho has apologised to Sassuolo coach Alessio Dionisi for “running like a child” after celebrating Roma’s last-gasp goal in their 2-1 win – his 1,000th game as a manager. “Perhaps God decided that I didn’t deserve to have a negative memory of this particular game,” tooted José. “Running like I did … I wasn’t 58 years old, but 10 or 12 or 14.” Never change, José.

In an attempt to prevent any more fun and games with Chile football bods and Fifa, Blackeye Rovers have reached an agreement for Ben Brereton to play in just two of their three internationals in October.

Sheffield United have signed Algeria midfielder Adlène Guedioura, 78, for his vibes, it would seem. “He will be an important man in the dressing room,” whooped manager Slavisa Jokanovic.

Edinson Cavani will miss Manchester United’s Big Cup clash tomorrow with Young Boys. “Edinson got a knock in training [before Newcastle],” said Ole Gunnar Solskjær. “Maybe he’ll be [out for] a week or so.”

And Nottingham Forest boss Chris Hughton reckons those pesky “small margins” have led to the club making their worst start to a season in 108 years. “Each game we’ve lost has been by one goal,” he sniffed. “It’s about turning those margins in our favour. However it happens, we have to find a way to win.”

STILL WANT MORE?

If you support the Guardian well enough, maybe one week you’ll get 11 Premier League talking points. For now, make do with 10 please.

Suzanne Wrack and Sarah Rendell, meanwhile, have your talking points from the weekend’s WSL action.

Nicky Bandini reports on that José Mourinho run up the touchline after Roma’s stoppage-time winner against Sassuolo.

José Mourinho
There he goes. Photograph: Giuseppe Bellini/Getty Images

Dortmund’s defensive iffiness was showcased in their 4-3 win over Leverkusen, toots Andy Brassell. But then Erling Haaland did an Erling Haaland and it was all fine.

Previously, Angers were a solid Ligue 1 outfit, parps Get French Football News’ Adam White. Now they are a joy to watch.

Thiago Alcântara’s extra time to look up and do a thing left Jonathan Liew nodding with an appreciative expression as Liverpool eased past Leeds.

Rafa Benítez faces a return to austerity management with Everton’s losses holding the club back, sighs Andy Hunter.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

THANK MOU FOR REMINDING US OF THIS

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