Jose Mourinho and Chelsea once seemed to have the perfect relationship. It was like Katie Price and Peter Andre. They brought out the best in each other. They were friends, soul mates and passionate lovers. Two wrongs made a right.

But that was before the ugly fall-out from their spectacular second break-up. In the past 18 months they’ve turned from lovers into sworn enemies, just like Price and Andre. It’s sad to see.

Mourinho’s capture of Romelu Lukaku from under Chelsea’s nose sent their relationship plummeting to a new low. But it can get even lower, because the man formerly known as the Special One is about to do it again. The Sunday Express says Manchester United are also set to pip the Blues to James Rodriguez.

For his latest act of revenge, the Portuguese coach will reportedly “heap more misery on his former Stamford Bridge bosses” by paying Real Madrid £70m for the Colombian playmaker.

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To be fair, Rodriguez has allegedly been “on the verge” of a move to Old Trafford for about a month, but it would be understandable if Chelsea were trying to get him too as Antonio Conte flails around angrily for any new players.

The “livid” Italian is set for “crunch talks” with the Blues board when he returns to London on Monday, adds the Express.

Mourinho could also add Swedish superstar Zlatan Ibrahimovic to his striking ranks. And yes, you did read that right.

The Sunday Mirror says United could re-sign the 35-year-old they just released if he makes a full recovery from a cruciate ligament injury by January. If anyone can, Zlatan probably can.

Lukaku arrested in LA

Lukaku, meanwhile, evidently got a bit over-excited about his £75m move to Manchester and accompanying salary increase. The Sun on Sunday reports that the beefy Belgian was arrested for breaching the peace after hosting a “boozy pool party” at his Los Angeles mansion with his new best mate Paul Pogba and a selection of “bikini-clad girls”. You can imagine Mino Raiola had a good poolside view of them from his sun lounger.

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READ MORE: Man Utd deep in talks over Real Madrid’s Rodriguez

You can’t imagine Eric Dier having a boozy pool party with bikini-clad girls at his LA mansion, so it’s probably just as well that he won’t joining Pogba and Lukaku at United. The Mail on Sunday says Tottenham will not sell the midfielder “for any price” despite the Red Devils’ apparent willingness to pay £50m for him.

One man who does allegedly have a price is Alexis Sanchez, who the Sunday Mirror says will be allowed to join Manchester City from Arsenal – as long as the Citizens stump up £80m. Quite a long way to go from their expected opening offer of £50m. But if anyone will, City probably will.

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One man who does allegedly have a price is Alexis Sanchez, who the Sunday Mirror says will be allowed to join Manchester City from Arsenal – as long as the Citizens stump up £80m. Quite a long way to go from their expected opening offer of £50m. But if anyone will, City probably will.

Elsewhere, Newcastle and Stoke will compete to sign unwanted City midfielder Fabian Delph (Mail on Sunday), Aston Villa boss Steve Bruce wants to add 36-year-old Potters striker Peter Crouch to his recent acquisition of 36-year-old defender John Terry (Sun on Sunday) and new Crystal Palace manager Frank de Boer is keen on Barcelona’s former Arsenal defender Thomas Vermaelen (Sunday Mirror). Yes, Thomas Vermaelen does still play for Barcelona.

@darlingkevin

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