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Hot Football Transfer Gossip: Man United 'swoop for Kroos', Real Madrid 'want Dembele', Everton 'identify Lukaku replacement'

One suspects that Toni Kroos looks upon Manchester United a bit like Leslie Ash’s character viewed Neil Morrissey’s character in Men Behaving Badly, as a mildly flattering yet totally harmless suitor – always sniffing around and trying his luck but who doesn’t ever really stand a chance.

Yet even though you know she’s kind of out of his league, it can still be vaguely amusing to watch Morrissey embarrass himself, and sometimes you’re even rooting for him (apart from that time he slept with Les Dennis’ wife – that was out of order). And so it’s with a similar air of detached schadenfreude that we can read the Sun’s story about United’s latest attempt to lure Kroos to Old Trafford.

In an article headlined “Kroos control” by an extremely lazy sub-editor, we learn that Jose Mourinho is set to “revive” United’s interest in the Real Madrid midfielder after his £100m bid for Antoine Griezmann was hit by “uncertainty” – the Atletico Madrid forward apparently waiting to see if the Red Devils qualify for the Champions League before makes any promises about joining them.

The problem is that every time United try to sign Kroos, they fail, mainly because he’s quite happy at Real because they’re better.

And maybe Neil Morrissey did finally end up pulling Leslie Ash in the end (can’t really remember, didn’t watch any of the later series – it wasn’t that good really was it, Men Behaving Badly?) but United are relying on a very soppy script writer if they think they are to get their man in real life.

Mourinho would be better off trying his luck with Isco. He’s a bit like Leslie Ash’s slightly uglier sister (if she had one) and would be more open to Jose’s advances, according to the Mirror, which reports that the Real playmaker has revealed his “frustration” about his lack of game time this season.


This has put Premier League clubs “on red alert”, with Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham mentioned, as Zinedine Zidane looks elsewhere by becoming the latest manager to start eyeing up Celtic striker Moussa Dembele (Mirror).

Everton have identified the man to replace Romelu Lukaku, if the Belgian leaves, and his name is Ilija Nestorovski. The Sun says the Toffees watched the 26-year-old Macedonian striker in action for Palermo this weekend, and at £17m they’d have enough money left over selling Lukaku to splash out on another Yannick Bolasie too if they want.

Elsewhere, Crystal Palace have been linked with a summer move for Juventus midfielder Mario Lemina (Croydon Advertiser), Atletico Madrid are ready to “listen to offers” for alleged Tottenham target Kevin Gameiro (Mirror) and Steve Bruce has been assured that his job as Aston Villa manager is safe (Telegraph). No one else wants it, presumably.

@darlingkevin