On the front page of the Mail, there’s a sexist headline about the prime minister’s legs, and on the back page, there are some equally obscene figures being discussed. Real Madrid are reportedly planning to make Eden Hazard the world’s first £100m footballer.
The paper claims the Spanish giants have launched ‘Operation Eden Hazard’, which it transpires is a special operation in which they will try to sign Eden Hazard from Chelsea and make him their next Galactico.
Stage one of OEH will involve “testing” the Blues with a world record bid that will “break the £100m barrier”. Stage two will be where Chelsea say no thanks, we don’t want to sell him, and we’re not sure what happens after that.
Normally it’s the player who decides on such things. But although the Metro reports that Hazard is “learning Spanish” in preparation for a new life in the Spanish capital, the Mail says these rumours are “wide of the mark”. There is no mention of Hazard’s sexy legs, which is unfair because they are very strong and smooth.
Another hunky attacker who could be on the move soon is Alexis Sanchez, who the Express says is being “eyed” by Bayern Munich, the big perverts.
Bayern boss Carlo Ancelotti apparently sees the Chilean as “the perfect player to help them achieve European dominance” – he was evidently impressed with Alexis’
tantrums passion in their Champions League meeting against Arsenal.
In a further blow to Gunners boss Arsene Wenger, the Express says he had a secret hotel meeting with Monaco’s Tiemoue Bakayoko in November, during which he “was unable to persuade the player to join him”. We assume they mean at Arsenal, not in his room.
Mamadou Sakho may have spent most of this season frozen out of football, but that hasn’t affected his transfer value. The Mirror says Southampton are set to offer £20m for the Liverpool “bad boy”, who has single-handedly fixed Crystal Palace’s defence while on loan at Selhurst Park. The Eagles would reportedly like to keep Sakho too, but the transfer fee would be a “stumbling block”.
Everton are considering replacing unsettled striker Romelu Lukaku with a Canadian, of all things. The Sun says the Toffees have put Orlando City’s Cyle Larin “on their wanted list” after scouting him for the past two seasons.
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The 21-year-old would cost £2m, so Everton would have quite a lot of money left over after selling Lukaku. Maybe they could use it to organise a squad trip to Orlando when they finalise the Larin transfer, then the players could go to Disney World which would be awesome.
Elsewhere, Manchester United are “discussing a deal” for 15-year-old American “wonderkid” Will Vint (Mail), Arsenal are considering Portugal goalkeeper Rui Patricio as a replacement for Petr Cech (Sun) and Claudio Bravo has insisted he is “happy” at Manchester City and does not want to leave the club (Telegraph), which is good news for comedy fans everywhere.