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Hot soccer transfer gossip: Manchester United in 'secret talks' to bring Neymar to Old Trafford - and everyone at Sunderland is for sale
Barcelona and Brazil hyperstar Neymar seen as the perfect man to replace the other attacking winger United didn't get - Pedro
Everyone who laughed at Man Utd as their top transfer targets were snatched away by their rivals may soon be made to eat that laughter, because according to today's Sun the Red Devils are in "secret talks" to sign Barcelona megaplayer Neymar.
Yes, the real Neymar - the Brazilian with the silly, spiky haircut whose back fell off during the World Cup. Him. Going to Man Utd. "Secret talks". Just how secret, we couldn't say. We have no idea, for instance, if they're so secret that even Neymar himself is unaware of them.
Maybe Barcelona aren't either. Maybe it was just Louis van Gaal and Ed Woodward sending each other text messages and sniggering and hoping no one would find out. All we know is that there have been some secret talks and the Sun has found out about them.
The fact that United were last week trying desperately to sign Pedro, Neymar's team-mate who plays in roughly the same position, was presumably just an elaborate hoax that involved Woodward flying all the way to Spain to pretend to sign Pedro just to trick Chelsea into wanting him.
Because Neymar is obviously better than Pedro. So yes, the laughing will stop when United sign Neymar. Unless they don't sign Neymar, in which case the laughing will get a little bit louder.
Even if the Brazilian doesn't move to Old Trafford, Van Gaal will be comforted to know there's a rich source of available back-up footballers at Sunderland, where manager Dick Advocaat has put literally everyone up for sale. Yes, even Wes Brown.
"If the player wants to go, he can go," said Advocaat. The Dutch are just so chilled out. They are no reports of any offers for the Black Cats' players yet though.
United seem to have accepted that David de Gea will leave this month, according to Marca, which says the Red Devils have asked Real Madrid for £29m for the goalkeeper, or £22m plus Keylor Navas.
A player tipped to arrive in Manchester imminently - but at City, not United, - is Wolfsburg's Kevin de Bruyne, who the Mirror claims will finally seal his £50m move to the Etihad this weekend. They say this most weeks, but they to get it right eventually.
The latest defender being allegedly earmarked as John Stones' replacement at Everton is River Plate's Ramiro Funes Mori, while Norwich City have reportedly failed with a bid to sign £15m-rated Charlie Austin because they only offered £14m. Harsh.
