Mesut Özil bows out politely, rather than going the full Ted Crilly

MEMORIES OF MESUT

Not long after the often sublime and occasionally infuriating Mesut Özil announced on Wednesday morning that it was time for him “to leave the big stage of football”, clips of that Big Cup goal he scored for Arsenal against Ludogorets in November 2016 began doing the rounds. Sprinting in behind to a long ball over the top from deep, the then-firm fan favourite took a touch, sombrero-kicked the bouncing ball over on-rushing goalkeeper Milan Borjan, before cutting inside and finding two furiously backtracking defenders between himself and the empty goal. With a barely discernible feint, he didn’t so much sit José Palomino and Cosmin Moti on their pants, as send them skittering Keystone Cops-style in opposite directions across the penalty area before side-footing Arsenal into an 87th-minute lead and ultimate 3-2 victory.

When he was at his best, very few were better but like the little girl who had the little curl, when he was bad he was horrid. A 92-cap German international and World Cup winner, who Arsenal signed from Real Madrid to great fanfare on deadline day in January 2013, Özil’s time as a Gunner ended in acrimony, the playmaker bombed out of the first-team squad and then the club eight years after his arrival by Mikel Arteta. His last meaningful contributions as a player on £350,000 per week? Offering to pay the wages of a giant green dinosaur upon hearing he’d been made temporarily redundant by the pandemic, then live-tweeting a Big Vase match between Arsenal and Rapid Vienna from his sofa. When he wasn’t getting himself in bother by condemning the Chinese government over their treatment of Uighur Muslims, he got his kicks by condemning his own employers.

Having retired from German national duty after being scapegoated for their dismal performance at the 2018 World Cup, Özil played and – more recently – didn’t play out the twilight years of his career in Turkey, first with Fenerbahce and more recently with Basaksehir, before drawing the curtain on a career that sometimes glittered but wasn’t always golden. “Hello everyone,” he chirruped on assorted social media disgraces. “After thoughtful consideration, I’m announcing my immediate retirement from professional football. I’ve had the privilege to be a professional football player for almost 17 years now and I feel incredibly thankful for the opportunity. But in recent weeks and months, having also suffered some injuries, it’s become more and more clear that it’s time to leave the big stage of football.”

Going on to thank his former clubs, “the coaches who supported me [translation: not you, Mikel – Football Daily Ed], teammates who became friends and my family members and closest friends”, Özil’s farewell statement was disappointingly polite and gilded with humility for a man we might realistically have expected to go full “Father Ted Crilly at the Golden Cleric Awards” in terms of spleen-venting, finger-pointing and score-settling. Anyone looking for that kind of entertainment today had to tune into coverage of a certain former prime minister behaving with characteristic petulance upon being hauled before the privileges committee.

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