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Premier League: Hot or Not
Claudio Ranieri rocking out to Kasabian © Getty
What’s sexy/unsexy in football this week…
HOT
Sixteen-year-olds
Barely legal Hammer Reece Oxford is the name on everyone’s lips after he outshone Arsenal’s seasoned pros at the Emirates on Sunday. Young, English and with an excellent haircut, the teenager’s emergence has prompted unbridled excitement all round. But if West Ham’s management want to keep Oxford grounded following his propulsion into the spotlight, they can just show him the not-so-illustrious list of other 16-year-olds who played in the Premier League, including Matthew Briggs, Jose Baxter and Gary McSheffrey.
Kasabian
It’s impossible not to welcome Claudio Ranieri back to the Premier League with open arms, especially if he’s not managing your team, and the loveable, huggable Italian got off to a cracking start on and off the pitch on Saturday. After Leicester’s demolition of Sunderland, Ranieri revealed he used the pre-match music at the King Power Stadium - ‘Fire’ by Kasabian - to inspire his players to be “warriors”. Ranieri said Kasabian are a rock band and he “loves rock”, but he isn’t a Kasabian fan. In other words, he thinks Kasabian are so rubbish that he wouldn’t listen to them, even though they play his favourite type of music. Which is surely a relief for Kasabian if they want to retain any of their dwindling credibility among the cool kids.
Multi-culturalism
There were promising signs in the performances of all three promoted clubs on Saturday, especially Watford - the only one of the trio that managed to get points on the board. The Hornets achieved this with an exotic starting line-up containing players from 11 different countries. Namely: Brazil, Cameroon, Austria, Northern Ireland, Greece, Scotland, France, Switzerland, Mexico, Spain and… England’s very own Troy Deeney. Chuck in the Nigerian and the Ecuadorian that came off the bench, not to mention the Spanish manager and Italian owner, and it might be enough to trigger an imminent Ukip press release.
NOT
Backheels
Arsenal were everybody’s cheeky favourites to usurp the big spenders and win this season’s Premier League title, until the season kicked off and it suddenly became apparent that the Gunners had forgotten to actually improve their team from the one that finished 12 fat points adrift of Chelsea last term. Arsene Wenger’s only signing of note has been goalkeeper Petr Cech, whose debut raised suspicions that he’s still working undercover for Jose Mourinho. But nothing summed up Arsenal’s false dawn better than the sight of defender Per Mertesacker attempting to launch an attack with an audacious backheel that dribbled out of play.
Lee Cattermole
The rugged Teessider is Britain’s least sexy footballer today after making a disastrous start to the season. Cattermole huffed and puffed his way through Sunderland’s defeat at Leicester, failing to make a single successful tackle or interception, culminating in a needless lunge that handed the Foxes a 25th-minute penalty. On 30 minutes, uninjured except his wounded pride, a red-faced Cattermole was substituted.
Simon Hooper
There are few more beautiful sights in football than a perfectly executed overhead kick, but rookie referee Hooper is evidently not familiar with the work of Wayne Rooney, Zlatan Ibrahimovic or Trevor Sinclair. Hooper marked his top flight debut with one of the most unforgivable decisions you’ll see this season. Cameron Jerome’s scissor kick should have brought Norwich level against Crystal Palace, but instead Hooper ruled out the acrobatic strike for dangerous play. It’s likely he will be demoted back to the lower leagues, where moments of supreme individual brilliance are less common.
