Premier League HOT or NOT

What’s sexy, and unsexy, in football this week…

HOT

Referees
Just like when everyone started being nice to those refugees after bad people were nasty to them, it’s time for us to support our referees for pretty much the same reason. Jose Mourinho’s announcement that officials are “scared to give decisions for Chelsea” wouldn’t have seemed so mean if those same officials hadn’t helped him out moments earlier by denying Chelsea’s opponents, Southampton, two clear penalties. It’s a reminder that referees are just vulnerable human beings, trying to make a better life for themselves in the face of widespread unpopularity and mistrust. So use the #RefereesWelcome hashtag to show them you would be happy to see them at your football grounds. And if that’s not the case and you simply hate all refs, don’t worry - everyone will have forgotten about them in a couple of weeks.

Welsh people
Most people from Wales got drunk on Saturday night when they qualified for the quarter-finals of the Rugby World Cup at England’s expense, which makes the mental capacity shown by Swansea City fans on Sunday all the more impressive. After Tottenham’s white-and-blue blooded (apart from when he supported Arsenal) striker Harry Kane sliced home an own goal to continue his two-match Premier League scoring streak, the probably-hungover Swans fans at the Liberty Stadium instantly responded by throwing Spurs’ fans favourite song right back at them: “Harry Kane, he’s one of our own.” Early contender for chant of the season.

Great Danes
There’s something special about a player who can score direct from a free-kick. Maybe it’s the fact that, more than any other type of goal, it’s purely down to individual skill. A free-kick taker is on his own. One attacker taking on an entire team of defenders. It’s little wonder the majority of efforts are charged down by the wall, saved easily by the goalkeeper or ballooned off target. For the attacking player to win that battle once is impressive, but to do it twice in a single match – as Christian Eriksen did for Spurs at Swansea - deserves a special mention. Two kicks from Eriksen, two goals. Great Dane dogs are also good.

NOT

Penis jokes
Dick out. Big Dick. Dick gets hard with Sunderland players. Dick heads for exit. Dick splashes the cash. The resignation of Sunderland manager Richard Advocaat (actually his proper name is Dirk) will have a far greater impact on the Premier League than the departure of his Liverpool counterpart Brendan Rodgers, because the Dutchman takes with him an entire lexicon of perfect football innuendos. Dick’s demise is a blow for all those who think his name is funny, which is everyone, and the only way this be rectified is if someone immediately signs German defender Florian Dick from Kaiserslautern. Either that or Man City need to start giving Willy Caballero more gametime.

Chris Brunt
Call us crazy, but we’re sure Chris Brunt used to be a midfielder. Whipping in set pieces with his wicked left foot and scurrying about the pitch trying to make good things happen. Maybe Crystal Palace winger Wilfried Zaha remembers this too, which would explain why he seemed tremendously happy to come up against Brunt in West Brom’s left-back position as Palace coasted to victory on Saturday. Zaha didn’t just have Brunt on toast, he was cutting him into skinny little soldiers and dipping him into his runny egg. Time and again the winger turned his full-back inside and out, culminating in the inevitable desperate lunge in the box from Brunt that handed Palace their game-clinching penalty. Let’s hope Brunt is allowed back in midfield next week.

Nemanja Matic
What’s the opposite of a supersub? A bloopersub? A poopersub? Or maybe from now on we can just call it a Matic. The previously irresistible Serbian midfielder played just 27 unhappy minutes after coming on at half-time in Chelsea’s home defeat by Southampton, before Jose Mourinho hauled him off again. It wouldn’t be so embarrassing if there weren’t so many other Blues players giving clownish displays. The implication that Matic, even with fresh legs, was performing worse than John Terry, Branislav Ivanovic and Gary Cahill will be a hefty blow to the midfielder’s self-esteem, even worse than if Mourinho had told Matic he looked fat as he walked off.

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