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Premier League: Hot or not
What’s sexy - and not so sexy - in football this week…
HOT
The Championship
Fans of the big Premier League clubs will notice that, every season, three new teams they have never heard of appear in the division. These sides actually come from a place called the Championship, which is another division kind of like the Premier League except everything looks cheaper and there is no way of qualifying for the Champions League, even if you win all your matches. It’s a bit like hell. Anyway, this year, the three teams that came from The Championship were called Bournemouth, Norwich and Watford. And so far, they have actually looked all right. The trio were unbeaten this weekend, with Norwich and Watford gaining creditable draws and Bournemouth playing some dazzling passing football in a thrilling 4-3 victory at West Ham. The Championship is so hot right now that soon everyone will want to go there - especially Sunderland.
Modibo Maiga
There’s a rather cruel song about Modibo Maiga that West Ham fans like to sing with gusto on the rare occasions the Malian forward takes the field. In honour of the otherwise hapless striker’s winner against Tottenham two seasons ago, it goes: “He scored at White Hart Lane, he’ll never score again.“ But Modibo rammed that particular ditty down their throats in devastating fashion on Saturday when he jinked past several players and scuffed a shot into the net against Bournemouth to score his first Hammers goal since 2013. Admittedly, Slaven Bilic’s side were already 4-2 down at that stage and playing with 10 men, so the strike was meaningless. But it means the Maiga song is officially dead, while he now has more goals this season than Wayne Rooney and Harry Kane combined. Superstar.
Holmesdale Fanatics
The ludicrous and laughable vociferous and intimidating gang of Crystal Palace aficionados situated in the most colourful corner of Selhurst Park aren’t always taken seriously, but their continental-style wall of noise may be having the desired effect. Of the Premier League’s nine matches this weekend, just one was won by the home side: Palace 2-1 Aston Villa. The CPFC Ultras can therefore reasonably claim that the cauldron of passion they created for the visit of Tim Sherwood’s side made the difference in the Eagles’ win. The game’s decisive mistake - by Villa left-back Jordan Amavi - presumably occurred because the young Frenchman is terrified of South Norwood gangsters.
NOT
John Terry
Until very recently, the Chelsea captain was so hot that his skin would have sizzled when you touched him as he sunned himself on a distant beach with a Premier League champions medal draped over his soundlesly bronzing torso. But the summer seemed an awful long time ago as JT trudged prematurely from a sodden Hawthorns pitch on Sunday, red carded for a clumsy challenge on Salomon Rondon. The timing was particularly unfortunate for Terry following his unprecedented half-time substitution in Chelsea’s previous game.
Fair Play
The concept of being nice to your opponents on the football pitch became briefly fashionable back in May when West Ham qualified for the Europa League - courtesy not of their footballing prowess, but of their sportsmanship and good discipline. But just three months on, the Hammers are seemingly determined never to win the Fair Play Award again. Carl Jenkinson’s reckless red card against Bournemouth was the club’s fifth already this season - more than most clubs will manage across the entire campaign. Something about those trips to Andorra, Malta and Romania has evidently scarred the Hammers.
Ed Woodward
The Manchester United chief executive was already not hot when the club’s prime transfer target Pedro ended up signing for Chelsea instead of the Red Devils last week. But with each incisive pass, jinking run and lethal finish in the Spanish forward’s highly impressive Blues debut at West Brom, Ed became less and less hot. By the end of the game, as Pedro took the plaudits from Jose Mourinho and the media, Ed was so un-hot that he probably needed to put on two extra jumpers and a snood.
