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Premier League HOT or NOT: Chalobah, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Fraser, Fellaini, Arbeloa, Alli

What’s sexy - and what’s unsexy - in football this week…

HOT

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain
There’s no point pretending that Alexis Sanchez wasn’t Arsenal’s best player in their 5-1 demolition of West Ham - his dummy on Hammers’ goalkeeper Darren Randolph for his hat-trick goal being particularly memorable - but let’s also not forget the contribution of the Ox. A forgotten man for the Gunners and England in recent times, the midfielder seems to be rediscovering the form that saw him hailed as the best thing since wafer thin ham when he first burst onto the scene. An excellent curling strike against the Hammers capped one of his best displays in an Arsenal shirt. It was almost enough to forgive the Wham!-era George Michael highlights he’s currently got going on.

Nathaniel Chalobah
Violence should never be condoned, which is why the young Chelsea substitute became an unlikely global hero when he unceremoniously shoved Sergio Aguero to the ground during the Blues’ 3-1 win at Manchester City. Chalobah’s offence took place right in front of the referee and under normal circumstances would probably have earned him a red card, but even match official Anthony Taylor could see that Aguero deserved it. The Argentine’s attempt to snap David Luiz’s knee in half, just because he was losing, will earn him a four-match ban at least. A jail term would be more appropriate but, in the absence of that, being owned by Chalobah will have to do.

Ryan Fraser
The 22-year-old Scottish midfielder has played virtually no part in Bournemouth’s impressive assimilation to top flight football in the past 18 months, but when his moment finally came, it was spectacular. Introduced as a 55th-minute substitute with his side 2-0 down against Liverpool, Fraser won a penalty about 30 seconds later, then scored and assisted as the Cherries stunned the high-flying Reds with a remarkable 4-3 win that has already earned the momentous nickname, ‘Istanbouremouth’. Along with Steve Cook, Simon Francis, Adam Smith and several others, you can now add Fraser to the list of bog-standard British footballer names made sexy by Eddie Howe.

NOT

Marouane Fellaini
This kind of thing wasn’t supposed to happen to the big-haired Belgian anymore. With Jose Mourinho in charge at Manchester United, he was meant to be forming one of Europe’s most formidable midfield partnerships with Paul Pogba; not making disastrous cameo appearances against his former club and becoming the laughing stock of the Premier League once again. Fellaini’s only meaningful contribution during the five minutes he took part in United’s 1-1 draw at Everton was to needlessly concede the 89th-minute penalty that gave the Toffees a barely deserved point. Meanwhile, Ander Herrera and Michael Carrick have ousted him in the race to partner Pogba. At this rate, Bastian Schweinsteiger will be ahead of him in the pecking order soon.

Alvaro Arbeloa
When he left Real Madrid in the summer after making more than 200 appearances for the Spanish giants, the full-back said it was like “leaving heaven”. And by Saturday, he had come full circle. Replacing James Collins in the 7th minute of West Ham’s derby against Arsenal, Arbeloa found himself in hell. The London Stadium has been a oppressive setting for many Hammers players this season, but the two-time Champions League winner looked especially out of his comfort zone as the Gunners forwards ran rings around his ageing body. It’s a shame for Slaven Bilic that the 33-year-old’s only current fit competition for the Irons right-back spot is, um, no one.

Dele Alli
“Maybe you were more pure 20, 25, 30 years ago. Now you are like us.” Dirty Argie Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino’s message to the English footballing world as it expressed shock and horror that one of its gallant members had taken a dive. Alli’s contactless drop in the area against Swansea, which put Spurs on their way to a 5-0 win, was the latest proof that Pochettino is, of course, completely correct. Not that this made Alli’s cheating any more palatable, and the midfielder can now put duplicity alongside spitefulness and mardiness on the list of traits he has gained a reputation for in the past year. Basically, he’s a footballer perfectly set up to succeed in the modern game.

Our boys will never do it better than the foreigners though, as Toulouse manager Pascal Dupraz’s incredible reaction to being hit by a paper aeroplane this weekend demonstrates.

@darlingkevin