Premier League Review - Sunderland as persistent as cockroaches

After a nuclear war: cockroaches and Sunderland

It’s remarkable. Each season Sunderland employ somebody thoroughly objectionable on the pitch or as manager, and just as you get your hopes up that they’ll be karmically punished with relegation, they then pull off such an unlikely recovery to stay up, that a very small part of you admires them nonetheless. This year, it was the grotesque Adam Johnson and the club’s craven, slimy treatment of him, keeping him contracted and in the team until it became so politically toxic they could no longer justify it to themselves.

However, Sam Allardyce’s purchases of Whabi Khazri and Lamina Kone, plus his discovery that Jermain Defoe is still brilliant in the penalty box, has added to the traditional spring excellence of Fabio Borini and secured survival for another chance in the Premier League next summer, relegating their feckless North East rivals Newcastle, and Norwich, in the process. Maybe next year they might like to cheer up their fans, and the neutrals, by just being this exciting all the time, and not employing the lowest of humanity available.

Liverpool gain confidence ahead of the Europa League final

Liverpool secured a famous victory over Borussia Dortmund. They also knocked out their loathed neighbours Manchester United in the previous round. Under Jurgen Klopp, they are in their traditional period of deep, deep love. And tonight, they scored a last-minute equaliser having been largely guff for most of the match. It will not depress them. Last-minute goals are the lifeblood of belief, as much as team spirit is built away from the pitch. Going into the Europa League final, this disappointing performance could ultimately imbue the side with a confidence to persist until the final whistle, something they had lost under Brendan Rodgers.

Chelsea and their fans should worry about Eden Hazard’s sudden improvement

Hazard was so poor for Chelsea in the first half of the season that he had to apologise to Jose Mourinho when he was sacked, and out with injury for much of the whole time. It would not have been unreasonable for Chelsea fans and the managers to have questioned his commitment as he failed to rule out moves to Paris Saint-Germain and Real Madrid. Real, particularly, will be in the market for a superstar forward when Cristiano Ronaldo probably leaves in the summer, and Hazard will be aware of that.

And so, Hazard has played poorly for almost all of the season, creeping back into form a little at a time under Guus Hiddink, until suddenly, he needs to be at his best for Belgium in a month’s time, and needs to make sure that he is the most attractive player that all the scouts and managers can see. Perhaps he’s just been disaffected, and he’ll stay at Chelsea for at least one more year, but it would not be a surprise if he has expertly timed his recovery and resurgence.

Wayne Rooney shows what he brings to Euro 2016 against West Ham

Against West Ham, Wayne Rooney demonstrated everything that he can give to England at Euro 2016, and everything he has given Manchester United this season. Namely, less than nothing. Let’s count the ways in which he has failed this season. For United last night, his passing was horrendous. When it was not woefully off-target, it was misdirected, predictable, slow and ponderous. Flighted crossfield balls either took an age to meet their man, giving West Ham to line up and organise, or simply went out of play. In midfield, he failed to assist and shield his defence, and with Anthony Martial, Marcus Rashford and Juan Mata the only effective attacking players, he failed to lend them support, or encourage the rest of the side out of their funk, either by instruction or example.

Worse than that, he allowed Jesse Lingard to post the most witless, cringeworthy social media contribution of the night, save perhaps for Azealia Banks’ contribution to digital bigotry. A captain of a squad that was having bricks thrown about it might have counselled his subordinates to channel the event into anger and a search for justice, in the form of actually winning an important game of football (Eric Cantona, mind, might simply have gone outside to chin some of the West Ham fans). Not Rooney, meaning United treated everyone to two pathetic, embarrassing displays in one night. On the pitch, off the pitch, Rooney will be able to bring nothing to France for England.

Louis van Gaal shows what he has brought to Manchester United

Against West Ham, Louis van Gaal demonstrated everything that he has given Manchester United this season. Namely, less than nothing. At a cost of a quarter of a billion pounds, this United squad is the worst in Premier League history. Daley Blind has been playing in central defence for a season, deliberately chosen by Van Gaal, and yet demonstrated on a regular basis last night that he still does not understand the offside rule. He should have that grasped by 13. He is 26.

The captain offers nothing to the side yet is undroppable. Morgan Schneiderlin and Ander Herrera used to be promising midfielders, and while they are not blameless for their own failures, Van Gaal has overseen their match decline, coming as it does when he prefers the broken Michael Carrick and breaking Marouane Fellaini. The defence was a shambles, the only attacking excellence came from players Van Gaal has yet to ruin, and the whole squad was a feckless embarrassment. United could finish eighth this season, and they should count themselves lucky that it isn’t any lower.