The real winners of Real Madrid’s latest European title

EVERYTHING’S COMING UP ENGLAND

Get in there! Have some of that! The undisputed best league in the world ™ has only gone and completed the hat-trick. Real Madrid’s Big Cup win over Borussia Dortmund means the Premier League can now boast that its teams lost, at some point, to the three sides that lifted European silverware this season. No disgrace there to be sent packing by those heavyweights from Spain, Italy and … erm, Greece. To recall, Manchester City were done by Madrid on penalties, Liverpool endured the beginning of Jürgen Klopp’s end at the hands of eventual Big Vase winners Atalanta, while Aston Villa were plucky 6-2 aggregate losers to Olympiakos in Tin Pot’s last four.

With England’s coefficient suffering more hits than those of us who sat through the peak years of Stock Aitken Waterman, the giant computer that spits out these things decided that was the funniest way to stop fifth-placed Tottenham qualifying for Big Cup. Hard to believe that Spurs were in the final five years ago, although watching back now it seems incomprehensible that a team playing in all-white should actually lose it. Real Madrid have taken their modern-day dominance of Big Cup to ridiculous heights. The inevitable 2-0 victory over Dortmund in Saturday’s Wembley final was their sixth triumph in the last 11 years. Their tally of 15 is now one more than the combined haul won by Bayern, Barcelona and Manchester United. Or 15 more than Arsenal. Still, they may have to wait their turn for the next, having been forced to dip into the free transfer market to sign some guy from PSG.

Of course, the destination of the Big Cup trophy was a mere afterthought compared to the main talking point on Saturday: who would win the Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or? Rio Ferdinand reckons Vinícius Júnior has it in the bag after the unmarked Brazilian tucked away the second goal following a defensive gaffe and told us so – live – into a Rio-b@ntz content cam, as TNT broadcast colleagues Laura Woods and José Mourinho got on with their jobs in the background, wondering why a grown man was repeatedly shouting the name of an award when the scorer’s team going 2-0 up seemed the bigger angle.

But as Ferdinand made his way home, presumably stopping off to bellow “Michelin Star, Michelin Star, Michelin Star” as his chicken pie and chips arrived, there was another former England defender breathing sighs of relief after one of his key men came through the final unscathed. Jude Bellingham – Viní Jr’s main rival in the Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or, Ballon d’Or betting – didn’t exactly set Wembley alight, although laid on the clincher for his Brazilian teammate. Gareth Southgate has advised the overworked Bellingham to recharge his batteries but the England boss could be forgiven for a silent smirk at his Premier League players having their legs saved by those early European exits. England’s hopes of Euro 2024 glory in Germany have possibly been enhanced as a result but, most importantly, could one of them win the Player of the Tournament? Ask Rio. Because that’s the real quiz.

BREAKING NEWS!

Chelsea have confirmed their appointment of Leicester City’s Enzo Maresca, the new manager having accepted the challenge from Todd Boehly and co of returning the club to Big Cup as a bare minimum.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“It is racist. I feel that we need to wake up. This question is insane. I hope I never have to read about such a crap survey again” – Germany head coach Julian Nagelsmann is left shocked after state broadcaster ARD asked survey participants if they would prefer more white players in the national team.

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