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Yes, it’s Middlesbrough v Charlton! Or Woodgate v Bowyer
CHAMPIONSHIP MANAGERS
It’s the big one this weekend, folks. The one you’ve all been waiting for. A footballing duel like no other. Yes, it’s Middlesbrough v Charlton! Or Woodgate v Bowyer, if you’re wondering why The Fiver is bothering to get the weekend started by previewing 20th v 17th in the Championship instead of the Manchester derby. You see, the former Nasty Leeds players have a history and back when The Fiver was listening to the Strokes and pretending we had a future, we’d have bet all our Tin money on the former nightspot-bothering teammates not making it into management.
But here they are, 20 years later, seemingly very different people to the ones who avoided jail after a brutal attack at a night out in Leeds. And it is now refreshing to see them dishing out comforting words of wisdom and guidance to the young players who now look up to them.
Of course, we’re only talking about football’s ability to rehabilitate and shape the lives of those involved in it. Any Boro fans who have watched Woodgate’s side play would argue that there is nothing positive for them to take out of his move into management. Some would argue he has successfully stopped football altogether. Back when Woodgate was throwing shapes on his Madrid debut, we could only imagine a team under his tutelage playing as though Hunter S Thompson was managing them. Sadly, Boro have just been meh. With one win in 12 and his team scared stiff of entering the opposition half, defeat could lead Steve Gibson to hoof Boro’s returning son out of the door marked Do One. The spectre of an out-of-work Neil Warnock has been looming too. “It’s speculation, I’m not bothered at all. I’ve spoken to the owner, he’s really behind me,” honked Woodgate, forgetting an owner’s job is to have an axe in hand when things are going badly.
As for Woodgate’s old drinking partner, Bowyer, he’s under no such pressure having done well to keep order at Charlton while East Street Investments try to assume control of the club from serial fan-angerer Roland Duchâtelet. He’s also had to field a team in recent weeks while coping with a knack-crisis that has led to 14 players fighting for a spot on the treatment table. Is Bowyer looking forward to seeing Woodgate? “We played together and travelled all over Europe together so, yeah,” he blathered, before a boyhood Boro fan loomed into sight. “Robbie Keane is No 2, and was obviously at [Nasty] Leeds as well when we played there, so it will be nice to see them.”
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We looked at a number of different venues with a relationship to [him], including a railway station, a school and a football ground. In the end, the hospital seemed to provide the best environment for showing the work. He was born in the hospital so it had a really strong connection” – Sarah Tinsley, director of exhibitions and collections at the National Portrait Gallery, on loaning a 2004 film of David Beckham asleep to the ultrasound department at Whipps Cross Hospital in London.
TOP 100!
The final countdown to No 1 on our 2019 list of the best female players in the world. And she is …
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Mark McFadden (yesterday’s Fiver letters) claiming Everton were originally named St Domingo’s FC in honour of the saint. May I be the first of 1,057 pedants to note I was disappointed to see that this was selected as letter o’the day. Everton were originally named St Domingo’s because of a connection to a Methodist chapel which itself was called St Domingos, the church having been erected on St Domingo’s Vale. This street took its name from St Domingo House, so named because the financier of that building had significant business interests in what is now the Dominican Republic (then, Santo Domingo). I was not surprised that The Fiver’s subeditor missed this error, given their excessive daily workload in relation to this column” – James Megaw Wilson (and no others).
“I’d have thought a more appropriate saint for the long-suffering Toffees fans to turn to would have been the Beatles-orientated St Jude. He is, after all, the patron saint of hopeless causes” – Richard Morris.
“I had a bit of a Usual Suspects moment reading Lars Gaertner’s letter yesterday about disclosing your address when you win a prize, and the risk of Weird Uncle Fiver turning up to deliver it. While there have been no offbeat knocks on the door, peculiar wailings of what I imagine were once pop classics or low-key sobbing in the night, it would explain the takeaway debris, empty cans of Tin and occasional items of clothing that appear to accumulate on my drive of a morning. I thought it was just living close to a city centre, but Lars’s letter made me dramatically drop my mug” – Ferg Slade.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Richard Morris, who bags a copy of Forgotten Nations. We’ve still got more prizes to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Big Duncan Ferguson is in the interim hot seat after Magic Marco got the heave-ho. “Who wouldn’t want to be Everton manager?” he roared. “I’m sure there will be many, many top managers up for this job.”
Frank Lampard’s Chelsea’s transfer-knack is over after Cas halved their ban for rule breaches, leaving them free in January to send all their young players out on loan again, splash the cash on squad reinforcements and get nowhere further than they already are.
Brendan Rodgers has pleased Leicester fans and trolled Arsenal’s by agreeing a new deal to 2025.
Talking of the Gunners, Freddie Ljungberg was most bothered by his new charges’ limp defeat against Brighton, ripping into them at half-time. “We said: ‘This is not Arsenal,’” he roared, pretending it was still 2004.
Ole Gunnar Solskjær brought his little book of zingers to a pre-Manchester derby presser, quipping that “at least we play every year now” in a dig at City’s 90s relegations.
No, no. Dig up, stupid. Corriere dello Sport isn’t backing down from that Smalling-Lukaku ‘Black Friday’ front-page splash, accusing its accusers of “lynching” the paper.
Macclesfield Town v Crewe is off due to the financial crisis at Moss Rose.
And in ostrich news, Watford are in talks with Nigel Pearson to take over as manager for the season.
STILL WANT MORE?
Sol Campbell gets his chat on with Jonathan Liew about self-confidence, having to work hard for everything and the challenge ahead at Southend.
Magic Marco: what’s the former Everton boss actually all about, wonders Barney Ronay.
Jamie Jackson on what’s gone right and wrong at the Manchesters City and United this season.
Nasty Leeds are flying high and Marcelo Bielsa has history in mind as they plot that elusive top-flight return, writes Louise Taylor.
Arsenal need a legend in the dugout: his name is Patrick Vieira, reckons Eni Aluko.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
How are Arsenal doing, boss? It’s the latest David Squires cartoon. And you can buy a copy of it right here.
