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Scotland slideshow

FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs England - BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh, Britain - February 24, 2018 Scotland’s John Barclay celebrates with the Calcutta Cup trophy after victory over England Action Images via Reuters/Lee Smith/File Photo
FILE PHOTO: Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs England
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs England - BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh, Britain - February 24, 2018 Scotland’s John Barclay celebrates with the Calcutta Cup trophy after victory over England Action Images via Reuters/Lee Smith/File Photo
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs England - BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh, Britain - February 24, 2018 Scotland’s John Barclay celebrates with the Calcutta Cup trophy after victory over England Action Images via Reuters/Lee Smith/File Photo
FILE PHOTO: Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs England
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs England - BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh, Britain - February 24, 2018 Scotland’s John Barclay celebrates with the Calcutta Cup trophy after victory over England Action Images via Reuters/Lee Smith/File Photo
New Zealand is deploying 'rugby diplomacy' in the southern Pacific with plans to use the sport to unlock development in the region and ward off growing Chinese influence. Wellington is seeking to establish a joint team from Fiji, Samoa and Tonga that would join the Super Rugby club competition, which is contested by 15 teams from southern hemisphere nations and Japan. The involvement of a new Pacific islands team - called Pacific Force - is being seen as a potential catalyst for development in the region at a time when China is seeking to gain a foothold through massive investment. "Part of the plan is that rugby can be a diplomatic force to counter China's influence in the Pacific," said New Zealand media outlet Newshub, who first reported the plan. "The idea is that rugby will help keep hearts and minds away from China, which is saturating the region with money to obtain influence." New Zealand Foreign Minister Winston Peters earlier this year expressed "strategic anxiety" over the Pacific. Beijing is being seen as using its economic muscle to gain influence in South Pacific countries. Australia's Lowy Institute estimates China provided US$1.78 billion in aid, including concessional loans, to Pacific nations between 2006-16. Samoa's lock and captain Chris Vui is tackled during the autumn international rugby union test match between Scotland and Samoa at Murrayfield stadium Credit: AFP China has built a presidential palace and government buildings in East Timor and invested heavily in Vanuatu, a tiny island 1,200 miles north-east from Brisbane where reports last month suggested Beijing was eyeing a military base. A New Zealand Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade spokeswoman said officials had commissioned an NZ$80,000 (£41,000) report into a Pacific Island Super Rugby franchise. The spokeswoman said: "The establishment of a regional fully professional rugby team in the Pacific Islands has the potential to deliver economic and social benefits to individual players, their families and communities, Pacific Island national rugby unions and teams, and to Pacific Island economies." Fiji, Samoa and Tonga are long-established rugby nations, but players often opt to play for foreign teams at an early stage in their careers. A strong home-based team would help keep star players within the islands, and boost the development of the sport and wider investment. Super Rugby officials are currently exploring plans to restructure the competition from 2021 to 2030. There is speculation that South African teams might opt to join European rugby sides in alternative competitions.
New Zealand deploys ‘rugby diplomacy’ amid scrum with China over Pacific islands
New Zealand is deploying 'rugby diplomacy' in the southern Pacific with plans to use the sport to unlock development in the region and ward off growing Chinese influence. Wellington is seeking to establish a joint team from Fiji, Samoa and Tonga that would join the Super Rugby club competition, which is contested by 15 teams from southern hemisphere nations and Japan. The involvement of a new Pacific islands team - called Pacific Force - is being seen as a potential catalyst for development in the region at a time when China is seeking to gain a foothold through massive investment. "Part of the plan is that rugby can be a diplomatic force to counter China's influence in the Pacific," said New Zealand media outlet Newshub, who first reported the plan. "The idea is that rugby will help keep hearts and minds away from China, which is saturating the region with money to obtain influence." New Zealand Foreign Minister Winston Peters earlier this year expressed "strategic anxiety" over the Pacific. Beijing is being seen as using its economic muscle to gain influence in South Pacific countries. Australia's Lowy Institute estimates China provided US$1.78 billion in aid, including concessional loans, to Pacific nations between 2006-16. Samoa's lock and captain Chris Vui is tackled during the autumn international rugby union test match between Scotland and Samoa at Murrayfield stadium Credit: AFP China has built a presidential palace and government buildings in East Timor and invested heavily in Vanuatu, a tiny island 1,200 miles north-east from Brisbane where reports last month suggested Beijing was eyeing a military base. A New Zealand Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade spokeswoman said officials had commissioned an NZ$80,000 (£41,000) report into a Pacific Island Super Rugby franchise. The spokeswoman said: "The establishment of a regional fully professional rugby team in the Pacific Islands has the potential to deliver economic and social benefits to individual players, their families and communities, Pacific Island national rugby unions and teams, and to Pacific Island economies." Fiji, Samoa and Tonga are long-established rugby nations, but players often opt to play for foreign teams at an early stage in their careers. A strong home-based team would help keep star players within the islands, and boost the development of the sport and wider investment. Super Rugby officials are currently exploring plans to restructure the competition from 2021 to 2030. There is speculation that South African teams might opt to join European rugby sides in alternative competitions.
New Zealand is deploying 'rugby diplomacy' in the southern Pacific with plans to use the sport to unlock development in the region and ward off growing Chinese influence. Wellington is seeking to establish a joint team from Fiji, Samoa and Tonga that would join the Super Rugby club competition, which is contested by 15 teams from southern hemisphere nations and Japan. The involvement of a new Pacific islands team - called Pacific Force - is being seen as a potential catalyst for development in the region at a time when China is seeking to gain a foothold through massive investment. "Part of the plan is that rugby can be a diplomatic force to counter China's influence in the Pacific," said New Zealand media outlet Newshub, who first reported the plan. "The idea is that rugby will help keep hearts and minds away from China, which is saturating the region with money to obtain influence." New Zealand Foreign Minister Winston Peters earlier this year expressed "strategic anxiety" over the Pacific. Beijing is being seen as using its economic muscle to gain influence in South Pacific countries. Australia's Lowy Institute estimates China provided US$1.78 billion in aid, including concessional loans, to Pacific nations between 2006-16. Samoa's lock and captain Chris Vui is tackled during the autumn international rugby union test match between Scotland and Samoa at Murrayfield stadium Credit: AFP China has built a presidential palace and government buildings in East Timor and invested heavily in Vanuatu, a tiny island 1,200 miles north-east from Brisbane where reports last month suggested Beijing was eyeing a military base. A New Zealand Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade spokeswoman said officials had commissioned an NZ$80,000 (£41,000) report into a Pacific Island Super Rugby franchise. The spokeswoman said: "The establishment of a regional fully professional rugby team in the Pacific Islands has the potential to deliver economic and social benefits to individual players, their families and communities, Pacific Island national rugby unions and teams, and to Pacific Island economies." Fiji, Samoa and Tonga are long-established rugby nations, but players often opt to play for foreign teams at an early stage in their careers. A strong home-based team would help keep star players within the islands, and boost the development of the sport and wider investment. Super Rugby officials are currently exploring plans to restructure the competition from 2021 to 2030. There is speculation that South African teams might opt to join European rugby sides in alternative competitions.
New Zealand deploys ‘rugby diplomacy’ amid scrum with China over Pacific islands
New Zealand is deploying 'rugby diplomacy' in the southern Pacific with plans to use the sport to unlock development in the region and ward off growing Chinese influence. Wellington is seeking to establish a joint team from Fiji, Samoa and Tonga that would join the Super Rugby club competition, which is contested by 15 teams from southern hemisphere nations and Japan. The involvement of a new Pacific islands team - called Pacific Force - is being seen as a potential catalyst for development in the region at a time when China is seeking to gain a foothold through massive investment. "Part of the plan is that rugby can be a diplomatic force to counter China's influence in the Pacific," said New Zealand media outlet Newshub, who first reported the plan. "The idea is that rugby will help keep hearts and minds away from China, which is saturating the region with money to obtain influence." New Zealand Foreign Minister Winston Peters earlier this year expressed "strategic anxiety" over the Pacific. Beijing is being seen as using its economic muscle to gain influence in South Pacific countries. Australia's Lowy Institute estimates China provided US$1.78 billion in aid, including concessional loans, to Pacific nations between 2006-16. Samoa's lock and captain Chris Vui is tackled during the autumn international rugby union test match between Scotland and Samoa at Murrayfield stadium Credit: AFP China has built a presidential palace and government buildings in East Timor and invested heavily in Vanuatu, a tiny island 1,200 miles north-east from Brisbane where reports last month suggested Beijing was eyeing a military base. A New Zealand Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade spokeswoman said officials had commissioned an NZ$80,000 (£41,000) report into a Pacific Island Super Rugby franchise. The spokeswoman said: "The establishment of a regional fully professional rugby team in the Pacific Islands has the potential to deliver economic and social benefits to individual players, their families and communities, Pacific Island national rugby unions and teams, and to Pacific Island economies." Fiji, Samoa and Tonga are long-established rugby nations, but players often opt to play for foreign teams at an early stage in their careers. A strong home-based team would help keep star players within the islands, and boost the development of the sport and wider investment. Super Rugby officials are currently exploring plans to restructure the competition from 2021 to 2030. There is speculation that South African teams might opt to join European rugby sides in alternative competitions.
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs France - BT Murrayfield, Edinburgh, Britain - February 11, 2018 France’s Maxime Machenaud kicks a penalty REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
FILE PHOTO: Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs France
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Six Nations Championship - Scotland vs France - BT Murrayfield, Edinburgh, Britain - February 11, 2018 France’s Maxime Machenaud kicks a penalty REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
Rugby Union - Autumn Internationals - Scotland vs New Zealand - BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh, Britain - November 18, 2017 New Zealand’s Sonny Bill Williams REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
Autumn Internationals - Scotland vs New Zealand
Rugby Union - Autumn Internationals - Scotland vs New Zealand - BT Murrayfield Stadium, Edinburgh, Britain - November 18, 2017 New Zealand’s Sonny Bill Williams REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend (AFP Photo/WILLIAM WEST)
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend
Scotland rugby union coach Gregor Townsend (AFP Photo/WILLIAM WEST)
Saturday 5 May Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
What's on TV today: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Casablanca and more
Saturday 5 May Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
Saturday 5 May Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
What's on TV today: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Casablanca and more
Saturday 5 May Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
What's on TV tonight: Friday Night Dinner, Home from Home and more
Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
What's on TV tonight: Friday Night Dinner, Home from Home and more
Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
Thursday 3 May Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings ITV, 9.00pm The weddings are those of Charles and Lady Diana Spencer, the Prince of Wales and Camilla, William and Kate and now the Prince’s own. And we know what comes after next… the funeral, of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. With just over a fortnight to go before Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tie the knot, this documentary looks back over the prince’s life (all 33 years of it) as a royal, charting the journey from a childhood marked by grief, through his active service as a soldier in Afghanistan and later charity work, to what we must hope will be the happiest day of his life, his wedding day, Saturday 19 May. Explored through the usual selection of archive footage, news reports and commentary, the documentary stands out because of its contributors, the net being cast rather wider than usual. So we get to hear from people such as Steve Hoare, guitarist in a band that played at the pub near Highgrove where young Harry enjoyed drinking, as well as singer Geri Horner, Olympian Dame Kelly Holmes, former Royal chef Carolyn Robb and many others. All of these faces help build a picture of how, and why, this prince is regarded with such particular affection. GO Britain’s Best Home Cook BBC One, 8.00pm Here is yet another attempt by the BBC to reproduce the lost magic of The Great British Bake Off. Here Mary Berry is joined by Strictly co-host Claudia Winkleman, chef Dan Doherty and produce expert Chris Bavin for an eight-week live-in contest in which 10 amateur cooks vie for the title of Britain’s best. GO Ambulance BBC One, 9.00pm A machete attack and two shootings keep the West Midlands ambulance service’s specialist trauma team busy on an eventful weekend night shift, while another crew answers a call from a victim of domestic abuse. GO Syria: The World’s War BBC Two, 9.00pm How could peaceful protest spiral into such unspeakable savagery – half a million people killed, millions of lives shattered and so much of Syria in ruins? That’s the question at the heart of Lyse Doucet’s deeply disturbing two-part documentary about the terrible conflict in Syria and the roles other states have played in perpetuating it. Concludes tomorrow. GO Election 2018 BBC One, 11.45pm; NI, 12.15am As the results from English local council elections roll in, Huw Edwards, Laura Kuenssberg and a panel of politicians and pundits discuss the impact on key districts and boroughs. GO Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador Dali Sky Arts, 9.00pm In probably the best episode of the current run, comedian Noel Fielding plays US rocker Alice Cooper while David Suchet is surrealist artist Salvador Dali in an entertainingly reimagined account of the pair’s bizarre four-day collaboration in New York in 1973 to produce in one of the world’s first holograms. Bonuses include Paul Kaye’s performance as Cooper’s legendary manager, Shep Gordon, and an original score by Richard Hawley and Jarvis Cocker. GO Barry Sky Atlantic, 10.45pm Very few new TV series ever receive such near-universal praise as Bill Hader’s entertaining comedy about a hitman who finds himself badly bitten by the acting bug while out on a job. In this second episode, hitman Barry (Hader) is forced to confront a bitter truth about his day job when acting coach Gene (Henry Winkler) encourages the class to channel their feelings into their work. GO Control (2007) ★★★★☆ AMC, 9.00pm Released one day short of the 27th anniversary of Ian Curtis’s suicide, Anton Corbijn’s homage to the troubled Joy Division frontman is superbly researched and exquisitely executed in black and white. Starring Sam Riley (his first time in a lead role) and Samantha Morton, the film charts Curtis’s rise to fame, his battle with epilepsy, and his eventual demise. It’s a beautiful, but extremely sad tale. For Your Eyes Only (1981) ★★★☆☆ ITV4, 9.00pm In Roger Moore’s fifth Bond film, 007 is sent to recover a communication device which was lost at sea when a British spy ship sank in the Ionian. The transmitter can order attacks from Britain’s submarine missiles, so Bond must reach it before the Soviets do, but he’s distracted by Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet), whose parents were murdered by the KGB. The plot is thin, but the film is rescued somewhat by high-quality stunts. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 9.00pm The first novel in Stieg Larsson’s popular crime series gets the Hollywood treatment via the trusty hands of Fight Club director David Fincher. Rooney Mara is excellent as the tormented computer hacker brought in to help writer Mikael (Daniel Craig) research a book on the wealthy Vanger family, but the flimsiness of Larsson’s whodunit awkwardly shines through. Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Simon Bird, Tom Rosenthal, Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig Credit: Mark Johnson/Channel 4 Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
What's on TV tonight: Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings, Britain’s Best Home Cook and more
Thursday 3 May Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings ITV, 9.00pm The weddings are those of Charles and Lady Diana Spencer, the Prince of Wales and Camilla, William and Kate and now the Prince’s own. And we know what comes after next… the funeral, of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. With just over a fortnight to go before Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tie the knot, this documentary looks back over the prince’s life (all 33 years of it) as a royal, charting the journey from a childhood marked by grief, through his active service as a soldier in Afghanistan and later charity work, to what we must hope will be the happiest day of his life, his wedding day, Saturday 19 May. Explored through the usual selection of archive footage, news reports and commentary, the documentary stands out because of its contributors, the net being cast rather wider than usual. So we get to hear from people such as Steve Hoare, guitarist in a band that played at the pub near Highgrove where young Harry enjoyed drinking, as well as singer Geri Horner, Olympian Dame Kelly Holmes, former Royal chef Carolyn Robb and many others. All of these faces help build a picture of how, and why, this prince is regarded with such particular affection. GO Britain’s Best Home Cook BBC One, 8.00pm Here is yet another attempt by the BBC to reproduce the lost magic of The Great British Bake Off. Here Mary Berry is joined by Strictly co-host Claudia Winkleman, chef Dan Doherty and produce expert Chris Bavin for an eight-week live-in contest in which 10 amateur cooks vie for the title of Britain’s best. GO Ambulance BBC One, 9.00pm A machete attack and two shootings keep the West Midlands ambulance service’s specialist trauma team busy on an eventful weekend night shift, while another crew answers a call from a victim of domestic abuse. GO Syria: The World’s War BBC Two, 9.00pm How could peaceful protest spiral into such unspeakable savagery – half a million people killed, millions of lives shattered and so much of Syria in ruins? That’s the question at the heart of Lyse Doucet’s deeply disturbing two-part documentary about the terrible conflict in Syria and the roles other states have played in perpetuating it. Concludes tomorrow. GO Election 2018 BBC One, 11.45pm; NI, 12.15am As the results from English local council elections roll in, Huw Edwards, Laura Kuenssberg and a panel of politicians and pundits discuss the impact on key districts and boroughs. GO Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador Dali Sky Arts, 9.00pm In probably the best episode of the current run, comedian Noel Fielding plays US rocker Alice Cooper while David Suchet is surrealist artist Salvador Dali in an entertainingly reimagined account of the pair’s bizarre four-day collaboration in New York in 1973 to produce in one of the world’s first holograms. Bonuses include Paul Kaye’s performance as Cooper’s legendary manager, Shep Gordon, and an original score by Richard Hawley and Jarvis Cocker. GO Barry Sky Atlantic, 10.45pm Very few new TV series ever receive such near-universal praise as Bill Hader’s entertaining comedy about a hitman who finds himself badly bitten by the acting bug while out on a job. In this second episode, hitman Barry (Hader) is forced to confront a bitter truth about his day job when acting coach Gene (Henry Winkler) encourages the class to channel their feelings into their work. GO Control (2007) ★★★★☆ AMC, 9.00pm Released one day short of the 27th anniversary of Ian Curtis’s suicide, Anton Corbijn’s homage to the troubled Joy Division frontman is superbly researched and exquisitely executed in black and white. Starring Sam Riley (his first time in a lead role) and Samantha Morton, the film charts Curtis’s rise to fame, his battle with epilepsy, and his eventual demise. It’s a beautiful, but extremely sad tale. For Your Eyes Only (1981) ★★★☆☆ ITV4, 9.00pm In Roger Moore’s fifth Bond film, 007 is sent to recover a communication device which was lost at sea when a British spy ship sank in the Ionian. The transmitter can order attacks from Britain’s submarine missiles, so Bond must reach it before the Soviets do, but he’s distracted by Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet), whose parents were murdered by the KGB. The plot is thin, but the film is rescued somewhat by high-quality stunts. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 9.00pm The first novel in Stieg Larsson’s popular crime series gets the Hollywood treatment via the trusty hands of Fight Club director David Fincher. Rooney Mara is excellent as the tormented computer hacker brought in to help writer Mikael (Daniel Craig) research a book on the wealthy Vanger family, but the flimsiness of Larsson’s whodunit awkwardly shines through. Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Simon Bird, Tom Rosenthal, Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig Credit: Mark Johnson/Channel 4 Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
Thursday 3 May Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings ITV, 9.00pm The weddings are those of Charles and Lady Diana Spencer, the Prince of Wales and Camilla, William and Kate and now the Prince’s own. And we know what comes after next… the funeral, of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. With just over a fortnight to go before Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tie the knot, this documentary looks back over the prince’s life (all 33 years of it) as a royal, charting the journey from a childhood marked by grief, through his active service as a soldier in Afghanistan and later charity work, to what we must hope will be the happiest day of his life, his wedding day, Saturday 19 May. Explored through the usual selection of archive footage, news reports and commentary, the documentary stands out because of its contributors, the net being cast rather wider than usual. So we get to hear from people such as Steve Hoare, guitarist in a band that played at the pub near Highgrove where young Harry enjoyed drinking, as well as singer Geri Horner, Olympian Dame Kelly Holmes, former Royal chef Carolyn Robb and many others. All of these faces help build a picture of how, and why, this prince is regarded with such particular affection. GO Britain’s Best Home Cook BBC One, 8.00pm Here is yet another attempt by the BBC to reproduce the lost magic of The Great British Bake Off. Here Mary Berry is joined by Strictly co-host Claudia Winkleman, chef Dan Doherty and produce expert Chris Bavin for an eight-week live-in contest in which 10 amateur cooks vie for the title of Britain’s best. GO Ambulance BBC One, 9.00pm A machete attack and two shootings keep the West Midlands ambulance service’s specialist trauma team busy on an eventful weekend night shift, while another crew answers a call from a victim of domestic abuse. GO Syria: The World’s War BBC Two, 9.00pm How could peaceful protest spiral into such unspeakable savagery – half a million people killed, millions of lives shattered and so much of Syria in ruins? That’s the question at the heart of Lyse Doucet’s deeply disturbing two-part documentary about the terrible conflict in Syria and the roles other states have played in perpetuating it. Concludes tomorrow. GO Election 2018 BBC One, 11.45pm; NI, 12.15am As the results from English local council elections roll in, Huw Edwards, Laura Kuenssberg and a panel of politicians and pundits discuss the impact on key districts and boroughs. GO Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador Dali Sky Arts, 9.00pm In probably the best episode of the current run, comedian Noel Fielding plays US rocker Alice Cooper while David Suchet is surrealist artist Salvador Dali in an entertainingly reimagined account of the pair’s bizarre four-day collaboration in New York in 1973 to produce in one of the world’s first holograms. Bonuses include Paul Kaye’s performance as Cooper’s legendary manager, Shep Gordon, and an original score by Richard Hawley and Jarvis Cocker. GO Barry Sky Atlantic, 10.45pm Very few new TV series ever receive such near-universal praise as Bill Hader’s entertaining comedy about a hitman who finds himself badly bitten by the acting bug while out on a job. In this second episode, hitman Barry (Hader) is forced to confront a bitter truth about his day job when acting coach Gene (Henry Winkler) encourages the class to channel their feelings into their work. GO Control (2007) ★★★★☆ AMC, 9.00pm Released one day short of the 27th anniversary of Ian Curtis’s suicide, Anton Corbijn’s homage to the troubled Joy Division frontman is superbly researched and exquisitely executed in black and white. Starring Sam Riley (his first time in a lead role) and Samantha Morton, the film charts Curtis’s rise to fame, his battle with epilepsy, and his eventual demise. It’s a beautiful, but extremely sad tale. For Your Eyes Only (1981) ★★★☆☆ ITV4, 9.00pm In Roger Moore’s fifth Bond film, 007 is sent to recover a communication device which was lost at sea when a British spy ship sank in the Ionian. The transmitter can order attacks from Britain’s submarine missiles, so Bond must reach it before the Soviets do, but he’s distracted by Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet), whose parents were murdered by the KGB. The plot is thin, but the film is rescued somewhat by high-quality stunts. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 9.00pm The first novel in Stieg Larsson’s popular crime series gets the Hollywood treatment via the trusty hands of Fight Club director David Fincher. Rooney Mara is excellent as the tormented computer hacker brought in to help writer Mikael (Daniel Craig) research a book on the wealthy Vanger family, but the flimsiness of Larsson’s whodunit awkwardly shines through. Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Simon Bird, Tom Rosenthal, Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig Credit: Mark Johnson/Channel 4 Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
What's on TV tonight: Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings, Britain’s Best Home Cook and more
Thursday 3 May Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings ITV, 9.00pm The weddings are those of Charles and Lady Diana Spencer, the Prince of Wales and Camilla, William and Kate and now the Prince’s own. And we know what comes after next… the funeral, of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. With just over a fortnight to go before Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tie the knot, this documentary looks back over the prince’s life (all 33 years of it) as a royal, charting the journey from a childhood marked by grief, through his active service as a soldier in Afghanistan and later charity work, to what we must hope will be the happiest day of his life, his wedding day, Saturday 19 May. Explored through the usual selection of archive footage, news reports and commentary, the documentary stands out because of its contributors, the net being cast rather wider than usual. So we get to hear from people such as Steve Hoare, guitarist in a band that played at the pub near Highgrove where young Harry enjoyed drinking, as well as singer Geri Horner, Olympian Dame Kelly Holmes, former Royal chef Carolyn Robb and many others. All of these faces help build a picture of how, and why, this prince is regarded with such particular affection. GO Britain’s Best Home Cook BBC One, 8.00pm Here is yet another attempt by the BBC to reproduce the lost magic of The Great British Bake Off. Here Mary Berry is joined by Strictly co-host Claudia Winkleman, chef Dan Doherty and produce expert Chris Bavin for an eight-week live-in contest in which 10 amateur cooks vie for the title of Britain’s best. GO Ambulance BBC One, 9.00pm A machete attack and two shootings keep the West Midlands ambulance service’s specialist trauma team busy on an eventful weekend night shift, while another crew answers a call from a victim of domestic abuse. GO Syria: The World’s War BBC Two, 9.00pm How could peaceful protest spiral into such unspeakable savagery – half a million people killed, millions of lives shattered and so much of Syria in ruins? That’s the question at the heart of Lyse Doucet’s deeply disturbing two-part documentary about the terrible conflict in Syria and the roles other states have played in perpetuating it. Concludes tomorrow. GO Election 2018 BBC One, 11.45pm; NI, 12.15am As the results from English local council elections roll in, Huw Edwards, Laura Kuenssberg and a panel of politicians and pundits discuss the impact on key districts and boroughs. GO Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador Dali Sky Arts, 9.00pm In probably the best episode of the current run, comedian Noel Fielding plays US rocker Alice Cooper while David Suchet is surrealist artist Salvador Dali in an entertainingly reimagined account of the pair’s bizarre four-day collaboration in New York in 1973 to produce in one of the world’s first holograms. Bonuses include Paul Kaye’s performance as Cooper’s legendary manager, Shep Gordon, and an original score by Richard Hawley and Jarvis Cocker. GO Barry Sky Atlantic, 10.45pm Very few new TV series ever receive such near-universal praise as Bill Hader’s entertaining comedy about a hitman who finds himself badly bitten by the acting bug while out on a job. In this second episode, hitman Barry (Hader) is forced to confront a bitter truth about his day job when acting coach Gene (Henry Winkler) encourages the class to channel their feelings into their work. GO Control (2007) ★★★★☆ AMC, 9.00pm Released one day short of the 27th anniversary of Ian Curtis’s suicide, Anton Corbijn’s homage to the troubled Joy Division frontman is superbly researched and exquisitely executed in black and white. Starring Sam Riley (his first time in a lead role) and Samantha Morton, the film charts Curtis’s rise to fame, his battle with epilepsy, and his eventual demise. It’s a beautiful, but extremely sad tale. For Your Eyes Only (1981) ★★★☆☆ ITV4, 9.00pm In Roger Moore’s fifth Bond film, 007 is sent to recover a communication device which was lost at sea when a British spy ship sank in the Ionian. The transmitter can order attacks from Britain’s submarine missiles, so Bond must reach it before the Soviets do, but he’s distracted by Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet), whose parents were murdered by the KGB. The plot is thin, but the film is rescued somewhat by high-quality stunts. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 9.00pm The first novel in Stieg Larsson’s popular crime series gets the Hollywood treatment via the trusty hands of Fight Club director David Fincher. Rooney Mara is excellent as the tormented computer hacker brought in to help writer Mikael (Daniel Craig) research a book on the wealthy Vanger family, but the flimsiness of Larsson’s whodunit awkwardly shines through. Friday 4 May Friday Night Dinner Channel 4, 10.00pm Simon Bird, Tom Rosenthal, Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig Credit: Mark Johnson/Channel 4 Friday Night Dinner is a one of those sitcoms that you either love or loathe, depending on your appreciation of slapstick and smutty jokes. Whichever camp you are in, the comedy has made it to a fifth series. And for those who do love it, this opening episode sees brothers Adam and Jonny (Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal) turn up for their standard Friday night dinner, only to discover their parents Martin and Jackie (Paul Ritter and Tamsin Greig) enjoying their new hot tub (because it is apparently still the Seventies) and planning Chinese takeaway. That all changes, however, once their hapless neighbour Jim (Mark Heap) decides to leave his dog with them because of he has a hot date. Cue lots of “jokes” about internet food, furtive sex and whether going to the takeaway down the road is “very 1930s”. The excellent cast all do their best – Rosenthal is particularly good at drily delivering the put-downs – but creator Robert Popper’s farce-heavy script requires them to do far too much heavy lifting. By the time Jim appears at the door with dirt-streaked hands and a compulsively giggling lady friend, you may find yourself silently weeping at the clunky agony of it all. SH Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Rania Abouzeid reports from Kabul, where kidnappings are a daily occurrence. Here, Abouzeid explores two cases – one involving a teenager who has been held for nine months – and discovers that there are no easy answers. This is a bleak but important piece of reporting. SH Home from Home BBC One, 9.30pm The ghost of Ever Decreasing Circles continues to haunt this amiable sitcom, although it lacks the dark edge of the Richard Briers hit. Here, a fed-up Neil (Johnny Vegas) throws a party, much to his snobby neighbour Robert’s (Adam James) delight. SH Episodes BBC Two, 10.00pm; Wales, 11.05pm The final series of the acerbic satire of Hollywood has been an absolute delight. And that continues with this episode as Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Bev (Tamsin Greig) discover just how far Matt (Matt LeBlanc) is prepared to go in order to get a co-creator credit. SH High & Dry Channel 4, 10.30pm Marc Wootton’s comedy about a group of plane crash survivors initially seems behind the times given that Lost ended eight years ago. However, stick with it because Wootton is in fine comedy monster mode as air steward Brett. Plus, the whole thing perks up once Vicky Pepperdine arrives as indomitable survivor Harriet. SH Too Fat for Love BBC Three, from 10.00am There’s a touch of the Carrie Bradshaw’s about this film in which vlogger Emma B asks the question: are we [the plus-sized community] too fat for love? To answer that, Emma talks to other plus-sized women, tries out life modelling and attends a sex tips class. The result is an entertaining film that is particularly astute about the way in which society portrays larger people. SH The Jazz Ambassadors BBC Four, 9.00pm This intriguing documentary tells the story of how congressman Adam Clayton Powell Jr convinced President Eisenhower to use jazz artists as cultural ambassadors, sending them on global tours to tackle Soviet propaganda. As the tours progressed, the musicians, including Louis Armstrong, found themselves increasingly conflicted: how could they promote America as the Land of the Free when the US’s Jim Crow segregation laws made them second-class citizens back home? SH Dunkirk (2017) ★★★★★ Sky Cinema Premiere, 8.00pm Director Christopher Nolan (who, bafflingly, is still yet to win an Oscar), takes a novel approach to the Dunkirk evacuation. Told through three separate perspectives, taking place in the air, the sea and on land, the film is a disorientating, dazzling, superbly crafted tribute to their bravery. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Mark Rylance and Harry Styles are among the cast. Magic Mike (2012) ★★★★☆ E4, 9.00pm Steven Soderbergh made a surprise decision to tackle the world of male strippers in Tampa, Florida, and exceeded every expectation: it’s one of his most enjoyable movies. Channing Tatum, in a story based on his own pre-Hollywood career, is revelatory – and Soderbergh works similar wonders with young star Alex Pettyfer and the resurgent Matthew McConaughey as the club’s smooth-talking, cowboy-hat-wearing owner. Non-Stop (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Liam Neeson is the dolorous air marshal who spends most of this film bounding up and down the aisle of a hijacked plane with a time-bomb under his arm in a plot so absurd that you can’t help but smile. Every passenger is a suspect, even Julianne Moore’s sweet heart-surgery patient. But Neeson wears the action-hero mantle so comfortably nowadays that you’ll become engrossed. Saturday 5 May Is that your final answer? Jeremy Clarkson takes over as host Credit: ITV Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? ITV, 9.15pm Judith Keppel winning, the Coughing Major cheating, Chris Tarrant smirking – for a brief period at the turn of the century Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? was the hottest programme on TV. One episode was watched by more than 19 million viewers and the show went on to inspire a bestselling novel, Q&A, which in turn became Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle’s 2008 Oscar-winning film. In truth, the quiz series only left TV screens four years ago, but it’s the heady early years that ITV is clearly hoping to repeat with this new version to commemorate the 20th anniversaryof the programme. So, what can we expect? It will air every night this week, and there’s a new host, Jeremy Clarkson, who’s roaring in to replace Tarrant. The old lifeline favourites – Phone a Friend, Ask the Audience and 50/50 – remain in place, although ITV have confirmed that there will be a fourth – Ask the Host. Contestants will also be allowed to set their own safety net, traditionally £32,000, once they reach question five. But is it possible for this version to capture the public’s imagination in these days of peak TV? One thing is certain: Clarkson has just the right amount of cocky charm to make a go of it as host. Sarah Hughes Happy Tent Tales CBeebies iPlayer,from today The BBC’s preschool series of live-action folk tales continues with five traditional stories presented by Karina O’Malley. There’s Welsh fairy tale The Golden Harp, traditional Scottish fable The Eagle and the Wren, and a lovely take on one of Aesop’s best, The Fox and the Crow. Rugby Union: Army v Navy Sky Sports Arena, 2.45pm Twickenham is the setting as the two Armed Forces compete for the Babcock trophy. Women’s FA Cup Football: Arsenal Women v Chelsea Ladies BBC One, 5.10pm Arsenal Women take on Chelsea Ladies in the final of the FA Cup, which takes place at Wembley Stadium. Fourteen-time winners Arsenal overcame Everton Ladies 2-1 in their semi-final, while Chelsea defeated the holders Manchester City 2-0. This match is a repeat of the 2016 fixture, in which the Gunners emerged victorious 1-0, thanks to Danielle Carter’s early strike. Beatles Night Sky Arts, from 6.00pm Sky Arts celebrates all things Fab Four with films tracing The Beatles from their humble beginnings to the heady heights of becoming the most famous pop band in the world. First up is My Beatles Black Album with Charles Hazlewood, in which the composer creates a mix of solo tracks by members of the band. The Beatles: From Liverpool to San Francisco then charts the band from their days playing in the Cavern Club to their US success. That’s followed by Ben Lewis’s recent The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels which looks at the rise and fall of their multimedia arm Apple Corps. SH Britain’s Got Talent ITV, 8.00pm With two golden buzzer acts already through to the live semi-finals, the fourth round of auditions heats up as more hopefuls strive to impress Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Britain’s Most Historic Towns Channel 4, 8.00pm It’s time to uncover Britain’s “Most Regency” town – and if eager Georgette Heyer fans were about to shout Bath, you are wrong. The answer, it turns out, is Cheltenham. Alice Roberts learns about Regency etiquette and uncovers why the pigeon is so important to the spa town. Casualty BBC One, 9.15pm Fans of the long-running medical drama get a treat here as the magnificently icy consultant Connie Beauchamp (Amanda Mealing) returns to work and instantly begins to reassert her authority. Elsewhere, doctor Ethan (George Rainsford) gets a shock when he visits the spot where his brother was murdered. The Great Rameses: New Evidence Revealed Channel 5, 10.10pm Channel 5’s latest series is a pretty straightforward but interesting-enough trawl through Ancient Egyptian history. The series begins with the story of Rameses II, who defeated the Hittites and was subsequently declared a living god by his people. SH Casablanca (1942, b/w) ★★★★★ ITV3, 3.00pm Humphrey Bogart’s Rick runs the American Bar in the eponymous Moroccan city, while Ingrid Bergman is the old flame who forces him to choose between his own heart and the fight against Nazism. Seventy six years on, Michael Curtiz’s Oscar-winning romantic drama is still a film to make the spirit soar; its finely drawn characters, quotable dialogue and haunting music have become iconic. Kajaki (2014) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 10.00pm; N Ireland, 11.00pm This tense film from Paul Katis tells the true story of British soldiers trapped in a mine-laden riverbed in Afghanistan. It not only convinces with its gory effects, but also with the agony each mine inflicts, and the delirium added when each man doses up with morphine: the acting from a uniformly strong ensemble cast, including Game of Thrones’s Mark Stanley, puts you right there. Sex and the City 2 (2010) ★★☆☆☆ ITV, 10.35pm SatC stalwarts will want a bite of this second film from the Big Apple franchise, but New York City is no more as Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends head to Abu Dhabi. The fashion is outrageous, there’s a gay wedding with a swan, and Liza Minnelli does Beyoncé, but the whole thing is culturally insensitive and the women morph into cartoon characters. Turn off your brain and enjoy spending time with these old friends. Sunday 6 May Benoit Blin, Tom Allen, Liam Charles and Cherish Finden. Credit: Channel 4 Bake Off: The Professionals Channel 4, 8.00pm Completing the trifecta of Great British Bake Off shows that have switched from the BBC to Channel 4 is this competition for professional pâtissiers, formerly called Crème de la Crème. The six-part contest has wisely retained judges Benoit Blin and Cherish Finden, and hired new hosts in comedian Tom Allen and newcomer Liam Charles, who appeared in last year’s Bake Off. The format sees 12 teams of two pastry chefs compete in confectionery wars, beginning with the first half dozen. They’re tasked with making 24 tartes aux fruits and 24 tartes conversations [a sort of French Bakewell tart] followed by a show-stopping edible structure based on a Black Forest gâteau. The tension spikes as temperatures rise inside Firle Place in East Sussex, where it’s filmed – sweltering heat leads to high drama when contestants’ chocolate sculptures look in danger of toppling over. The appeal of the contest is in the staggering quality of the complicated pastries and edible works of art that the chefs turn out, which understandably knock the offerings of Bake Off’s amateurs into a cocked hat. And judges Blin and Finden are as theatrical as they are hard to please. This results in a scrumptious hour of food fetishism. Vicki Power Premier League Football: Chelsea v Liverpool Sky Sports Main Event, 3.30pm Having won their last four games, Chelsea go into this match against third-placed Liverpool in good form. The Blues’ defence will have to be at its best, though: in Mohamed Salah, Liverpool have the most dangerous attacker in the league, and he’ll relish the opportunity to score against the club that sold him to Roma in 2016. When these sides met at Anfield, an 85th-minute goal from Willian ensured Chelsea salvaged a 1-1 draw. The Big Painting Challenge BBC One, 6.00pm It’s the final of this uplifting painting contest for amateurs, and the quartet of finalists relocate to Chatham Dockyards, where they must paint self-portraits. The Durrells ITV, 8.00pm The arrival of the circus to Corfu provides the magic to bring Louisa (Keeley Hawes) and the recently separated Spiro (Alexis Georgoulis) ever closer in an emotional final episode of this beguiling drama. In fact, all of the Durrells have relationship upheavals, teeing up the action nicely for a fourth series. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Wilkie Collins’s Gothic thriller continues to compel in this fresh adaptation. In the penultimate episode, the women continue to suffer – clued-up Marian (Jessie Buckley) still has fever, rendering her unable to save her clueless half-sister Laura (Olivia Vinall) from the big twist we all know is coming. Ballet’s Dark Knight: Sir Kenneth MacMillan BBC Four, 9.00pm Darcey Bussell and Monica Mason are among the ballet stars who pay tribute to the choreographer Kenneth MacMillan in this excellent new biopic. Bussell, who worked with him at the age of 19, recalls how hard he pushed his dancers: “Nothing was ever good enough.” With contributions from MacMillan’s widow, Australian artist Deborah Williams, the documentary celebrates how the former artistic director of the Royal Ballet transformed ballet from polite pirouetting to a gritty, sexy art form. Michael Clark’s To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song BBC Four, 10.00pm Filmed at the Barbican in 2017, maverick choreographer Michael Clark’s acclaimed To a Simple, Rock ’N’ Roll: Song is a mesmerising three-act piece in which he pays tribute to his greatest influences: punk music, Erik Satie and David Bowie. It is introduced here by Jarvis Cocker. VP Walter Presents: Tabula Rasa Channel 4, 10.15pm Belgium gives the Nordic lands a run for their money with another top-notch TV thriller. This nine-parter follows Mie D’Haeze (Veerle Baetens), an amnesiac psychiatric patient who finds she’s been implicated in a missing persons case. Her disturbed mind makes sorting the truth from fantasy virtually impossible. VP Megamind (2010) ★★★☆☆ Channel 4, 2.30pm DreamWorks’ fun tale of a Mekon-like, inept baddie is weird and witty. Directed by Tom McGrath, who was behind Madagascar, Will Ferrell leads voice duties, with funny turns from David Cross as his deputy, Minion, and Brad Pitt as his vain, buff, Aryan nemesis, the perpetually victorious Metro Man. An amusing quirk of Megamind’s is his affected pronunciation – he pronounces Metro City to rhyme with atrocity. The Boxtrolls (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 2.50pm There’s a cheerfully grotesque streak to this Oscar-winning stop-motion animation from the makers of Coraline and ParaNorman. In the town of Cheesebridge, a human boy raised by boxtrolls – trash-collecting creatures who live under the sewers wearing cardboard boxes – vows to save them from a villainous pest exterminator. It’s an endearing set-up and the carnival feel should please both adults and children. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 6.10pm The denouement to Peter Jackson’s grandiose adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic is the one that scooped an Oscar. Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin) arrive at Mount Doom to destroy the Ring, both helped and hindered by the loathsome Gollum. Jackson’s only misjudgement is that the film meanders on for around half an hour after the real action is over. Bank Holiday Monday Peter Kay and Sian Gibson Credit: BBC Peter Kay’s Car Share Unscripted BBC One, 10.00pm The emergence of this improvised episode and the official climax to Peter Kay’s sitcom (airing next Bank Holiday Monday) is a treat for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, it would seem to allay concerns prompted by the comedian’s sudden cancellation of an extensive stand-up tour late last year. Secondly, it may offer closure to the many viewers left distraught by the cliffhanger ending to the second series, which saw straight-talking, outwardly stern John (Kay) fail to respond to the declaration of love proffered by co-worker and unsinkable romantic Kayleigh (Sian Gibson). And thirdly, it will mean one more hour in the company of these two beautifully drawn characters who felt like old friends from the moment they first appeared on our screens in 2015. This opening salvo sees Kay and Gibson ad-libbing in character, attempting to corpse each other with a ruthless lack of professionalism as John and Kayleigh drive home on their daily commute in John’s Fiat 500, their only company being the cheesy oldies radio station Forever FM. Don’t expect resolutions yet; instead, sit back and enjoy two fine performers rustling comic magic up out of thin air. Gabriel Tate The £100k Drop Channel 4, 4.00pm It has a new teatime slot and a 10th of the previous prize money, but Davina McCall is still in situ for this entertaining game show of general knowledge and playing the odds. Tenko True Entertainment, 6.00pm The classic BBC drama set in a Japanese POW camp for British, Dutch and Australian women interned after the fall of Singapore in 1942 is being aired every weeknight at 6.00pm. It’s unflinching in its explorations of friendship, sexuality and the degradations of war. Danceworks: The Dying Swan BBC Four, 7.30pm Beginning four consecutive nights of films exploring the world of British dance today, former Royal Ballet principal Zenaida Yanowsky explores the physical toll of her career as she attempts one final post-surgery comeback. Dispatches: Britain’s Benefits Crisis Channel 4, 7.30pm Morland Sanders investigates the Government’s roll-out of the Universal Credit scheme. It is ostensibly aimed at simplifying the benefits system but instead it is dogged by controversy, cuts to provisions and administrative glitches. ATP Masters Tennis: The Mutua Madrid Open Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm It’s the opening day of play in the clay-court tournament at the Caja Magica, where world number one and home favourite Rafael Nadal – in formidable form – is the event’s reigning champion. The Woman in White BBC One, 9.00pm Fiona Seres’s impressively sustained exploration of brutal, brittle masculinity and the stout resistance of their intended victims reaches a gripping climax as Lura (Olivia Vinall) and Marian (Jessie Buckley) strike back against the devious Fosco (Riccardo Scamarcio) and thuggish Sir Percival (Dougray Scott). The Road to Palmyra BBC Four, 9.00pm Ebullient historian Dan Cruickshank and wry photographer Don McCullin make an odd couple, yet their journey through a ravaged Syria casts new light on both the conflict as well as what the material and spiritual costs will be for future generations. GT Genderquake Channel 4, 9.00pm This gimmicky but occasionally enlightening TV experiment puts 11 strangers with different attitudes towards gender and sexuality in a house together for a week: prejudices are aired, preconceptions challenged and romances kindled. It concludes on Tuesday with further revelations and realisations, as well as a debate on the issues raised at 10.00pm. GT Forrest Gump (1994) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 9.00pm Robert Zemeckis’s Oscar-winning comedy drama is full of spirit – even if, at times, it’s slightly saccharine. Forrest (Tom Hanks) is a simpleton with a heart of gold, who, ever true to the homely advice of his mother (Sally Field) is reflecting on his improbable life as a Vietnam War hero, table-tennis champion and accidental millionaire. Hanks, depending on your sentimentality threshold, may prove to be adorable. Notting Hill (1999) ★★★★☆ ITV, 10.20pm This is the second of Richard Curtis’s romcoms, after Four Weddings and a Funeral, about bumbling good eggs and frightfully pretty girls. Hugh Grant plays a London bookseller who attracts the attention of a film star (Julia Roberts) – it’s amusing, in particular when Grant’s character ineptly poses as a journalist from Horse & Hound magazine at a press junket for her sci-fi movie. Papillon (1973) ★★★★☆ BBC Two, 11.00pm Based on the autobiography of petty criminal Henri Charrière – nicknamed Papillon because of his butterfly tattoo – this powerful prison drama is set in the infamous French penal colony Devil’s Island. Steve McQueen impressively stars as the title character, desperate to escape Devil’s Island’s gruesome brutality. Dustin Hoffman gives memorable support as his friend, the small-time fraudster Louis Dega. Tuesday 8 May Inspirational: Kate Humble with Emma and some alpacas Credit: BBC Back to the Land with Kate Humble BBC Two, 7.00pm There aren’t many TV shows that merit the word “inspirational” but Kate Humble’s series looking at the lives and work of entrepreneurial countryside pioneers around the UK does. Here she returns for another 12-part run, beginning by visiting four new start-ups in Cornwall which were prompted by a perceived gap in the market. Her clear favourites – she returns again and again to check on their progress – are free-diving seaweed harvesters Caro and Tim. This sustainability-aware pair were looking to work locally when they realised that, despite seaweed becoming more fashionable as a cooking ingredient, no one was harvesting the plentiful supply in the sea near them. Much hard work and ingenuity later, it’s an unlikely business idea that looks set to be a winner. Humble also meets a couple who reversed their farm’s declining fortunes by taking a leap of faith into free-range duck breeding, two best friends who supply native-flower bouquets to Cornwall’s booming high-end wedding market and a lavishly bearded brewer whose wild foraging in the local fields and hedgerows supplies the ingredients for his uniquely flavoured “wild” beers. Gerard O’Donovan Danceworks: Street to Stage BBC Four, 7.30pm Rising British star Dickson Mbi displays a range of talents in this film following him and his hip-hop popping team, Fiya House, competing in an international street dance competition. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm The Eurovision song contest circus kicks off tonight in Lisbon with the first semi-final featuring 19 countries (including Ireland) of the record-equalling 43 competing this year. UK fans have to wait for Saturday’s Grand Final to hear SuRie sing our entry, Storm. The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds Channel 4, 8.00pm The first in a two-part special exploring how children learn the difference between right and wrong, as another class of five-year-olds are challenged to decide if it’s OK to cheat and what to do when someone tells you a secret. Abandoned Engineering Yesterday, 8.00pm The series exploring mysterious abandoned buildings returns for a second series. This week, a vast labyrinth of crumbling tunnels, bunkers and towers in northern Poland, once a cutting-edge oil refinery, reveals its former role as a pivotal part of Hitler’s war machine. GO The Split BBC One, 9.00pm Abi Morgan’s legal drama hurries on apace with further revelations drawing us deeper into the lives of Hannah (Nicola Walker) and her dysfunctional family of lawyers. Tonight, things get heated in a case involving frozen embryos, and matriarch Ruth (Deborah Findlay) is evasive over finances. Later Live: with Jools Holland BBC Two, 10.00pm Returning for a 52nd series, Jools Holland welcomes more acts to play live in studio. Among them are Snow Patrol, Plan B, Bettye Lavette, and rising stars Shame and Jade Bird. Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The Engagement Interview BBC One, 11.40pm; NI/Wales, 12.05am; Scot, 12.45am In case you won’t catch the endless clips in royal wedding-related programming over the next 10 days, here’s a repeat of the interview the couple gave Mishal Husain at Kensington Palace last year on the day they announced their engagement. GO My Cousin Rachel (2017) ★★★☆☆ Sky Cinema Premiere, 2.30pm and 11.30pm “Did she? Didn’t she?” ponders stricken hero Philip Ashley about the titular character and the possible murder of her husband/his cousin. This is based on Daphne du Maurier’s 1951 novel, but there was also a film version in 1952, an Eighties BBC version, on radio, and on the stage. Young Philip, the heir to a fortune, is played in Roger Michell’s stylish but sexless adaptation by a rakish Sam Claflin. Hot Fuzz (2007) ★★★★☆ ITV2, 9.00pm Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s follow-up to the cult comedy-horror Shaun of the Dead (and the second chapter in the Cornetto Trilogy) reunites Pegg with Nick Frost in the story of two policemen who uncover a conspiracy in a Somerset village. Timothy Dalton is a sinister triumph as a millionaire baddy. Sharp, funny and with explosive action scenes, it’s a very British action-comedy that does everything it should. Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice? (1969) ★★★☆☆ Talking Pictures TV, 9.00pm This is the third in a trilogy of Robert Aldrich-produced films (following What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte). It also features two female leads – this time, an Arizona widow (Geraldine Page) hires housekeepers to con them out of their money before murdering them, but Ruth Gordon’s Alice Dimmock isn’t easily fooled. Wednesday 9 May Healthy outlook: Fearnley-Whittingstall with volunteer Janet Credit: BBC Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall BBC One, 9.00pm; Scotland, 10.45pm He tried to get Newcastle exercising together and demonstrated to the unconvinced in Bristol just how much sugar there is in a smoothie, now, in this final episode, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall faces his toughest test of all – he heading to the Tory Party Conference to speak about obesity and attempting to get an audience with Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. But can he convince the ministers – and the hard-to-pin-down Hunt – that they need to do more to combat both national awareness of what we eat and the country’s fitness levels? First, he checks in with some of those who have signed up for the Newcastle Can scheme; heads out for a surfing lesson with Janet, a willing but struggling participant; trials a weight-loss experiment at the GP’s surgery and looks at the way in which marketing affects our understanding of food. Whether or not he manages to replicate the impact that Jamie Oliver had on the government during his school dinners campaign remains to be seen, but this impassioned series will surely have convinced the UK’s couch potatoes that it’s time to embrace the sunnier weather and start walking. Sarah Hughes DanceWorks: Choreographing History BBC Four, 7.30pm “With contemporary dance we don’t inherit ready-made stories, so we have to make up our own,” says choreographer Shobana Jeyasingh in this fascinating film. Jeyasingh’s latest work, Contagion, takes the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic as its subject, and this documentary follows her as she translates her research into a haunting, beautiful piece of work. The Secret Life of the Zoo Channel 4, 8.00pm The fallout from orangutan Emma’s pregnancy continues this week as the new mother pushes away the older child to raise the baby, leaving the zoo staff increasingly worried as to how the abandoned youth will cope. Mystery of the Lost Paintings Sky Arts, 8.00pm This episode examines the 1958 fire at New York’s Museum of Modern Art, which destroyed two of Monet’s famous Water Lily paintings, before attempting to digitally reconstruct one of the damaged works. Love in the Countryside BBC Two, 9.00pm Everything moves up a gear as lovelorn dairy farmers Pete and Ed invite their three prospective partners over for a weekend. Cue early issues as fiftysomethings Helen and Caroline struggle in the face of thirtysomething Frannie’s more obvious assets. One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9.00pm It’s an emotional finale at the Birmingham Women’s Hospital as we meet Lauren and Rachel, who are preparing for a second child, and Urwah and Nadhia, who are about to meet their fifth. Meanwhile, Laura and Paul, friends turned lovers, have nine kids between them and another on the way. Harry & Meghan: A Love Story Sky One, 9.00pm Bafta-winning film-maker Toby Sculthorp turns his eye to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, talking to close friends and former head of the British Army, Richard Dannatt. SH Tortured By Mum and Dad: The Turpin 13 Channel 5, 10.00pm When 13 children were discovered shackled and starved by their parents, David and Louise Turpin earlier this year, it made global headlines. This documentary returns to the case, asking how the pair managed to hide their terrible secret for so long. A Walk in the Woods (2015) ★★☆☆☆ Film4, 9.00pm Robert Redford turns Bill Bryson’s elegant travelogue about his middle-aged attempt on the Appalachian Trail – a 2,000-mile trek through the eastern United States – into a sloppy sitcom. The great American outdoors, however, are shot in picturesque fashion. Nick Nolte and Emma Thompson star as Bryson’s travelling partners, who at least reveal that the human condition is no walk in the park. Scream (1996) ★★★★☆ Sky One, 10.00pm Wes Craven rebooted the teenage-horror genre with Scream. It’s gory, but clever and funny, too, particularly in its own self-awareness: the characters talk constantly about being in a slasher movie. And Craven wrong-foots us with a terrific opening sequence that gleefully breaks the rules of film-making. Courteney Cox and Neve Campbell star. The sequel Scream 2 is on Friday at 11.00pm. I Love You, Man (2009) ★★★★☆ 5STAR, 11.00pm Paul Rudd, realising he has no best man for his wedding, sets out to find himself a buddy in this contrived bromance from Meet the Parents/Fockers creator John Hamburg. Beer-swilling Jason Segal seems to fit the bill, but of course things go wrong. The results aren’t hilarious, but both leading actors have their amusing moments, particularly Rudd with his James Bond impressions and bad air guitar. Thursday 10 May Michael C Hall (centre) in Safe Credit: Netflix Safe Netflix, from today For the man who played serial-killing forensics expert Dexter and funeral director David in Six Feet Under, it’s fitting that we first encounter Michael C Hall’s latest deeply flawed antihero, Tom Delaney, by his wife’s grave in this opening set-piece of his new drama. This UK-set eight-parter then skips forward six years, with Tom (Hall’s English accent is pretty passable) managing two teenage daughters, his work as a paediatric surgeon and life in a “safe” gated community. What becomes rapidly clear is that his neighbours are also nursing guilty secrets and haunted by past failures: from best mate Marc Warren and Amanda Abbingdon’s dogged detective to Nigel Lindsay’s jovial life-and-soul type. Then Tom’s oldest daughter goes missing during a house party, and skeletons tumble out of closets in an enjoyably twist-riddled affair. The first collaboration between Safe’s co-creators, bestselling novelist Harlan Coben and screenwriter Danny Brocklehurst (Accused; Ordinary Lies; Come Home), marries the former’s love of a cliffhanger and skill with fast-paced narrative with the latter’s facility for character and emotional insight. Gabriel Tate PGA Tour Golf: The Players Championship Sky Sports the Players, 12.30pm It’s day one of the tournament widely regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, held at TPC Sawgrass in Florida. Last year, Kim Si-Woo, at 21, became the youngest champion in Players history and it was much deserved: his was a nerveless display that belied his young age. Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion BBC Four, 7.30pm Choreographer Carlos Pons Guerra invites the cameras into his latest production for children at the Birmingham Rep, a work challenging assumptions of gender and identity with its story of two male penguins raising a chick together. Premier League Football: West Ham United v Manchester United Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm Looking to secure their safety, relegation-threatened West Ham United welcome Manchester United to the Olympic Stadium. The Hammers will need to banish the memories of their last match against Man United, when Anthony Martial, Paul Pogba and a brace from Romelu Lukaku gave Jose Mourinho’s side a 4-0 win. Eurovision Song Contest 2018 BBC Four, 8.00pm Rylan Clark-Neal and Scott Mills are joined by British Eurovision hopeful SuRie to introduce coverage of the second semi-final from Lisbon, with 10 of the 18 featured acts making it to Saturday’s final. Food Unwrapped: China Special Channel 4, 8.00pm Jimmy Doherty and his team explore artisanal and commercial methods of production for garlic, noodles, soy sauce and fortune cookies. Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan BBC Two, 9.00pm This alarming and frequently harrowing documentary makes direct connections between Borneo’s plummeting orangutan population, the boom in illegal animal trading and rocketing global demand for palm oil, but there are glimmers of hope, due to the ceaseless diligence of local activists. Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan Sky Arts, 9.00pm Luke Treadaway and Jack Whitehall star as the teenage David Bowie and Marc Bolan in this by turns silly and oddly poignant comedy of two icons bonding, bickering and dreaming of stardom while earning a crust decorating their manager’s office. GT Riot Girls Channel 4, 10.00pm A gleefully ribald new prank show from the supremely talented and smart quartet of Grace Campbell, Jen Wakefield, Cam Spence and Sophie Duker, using stunts to highlight the casual sexism and gender inequality in society from manspreading on the tube to contraception. It’s as crude as it is funny and effective. Great Art ITV, 10.45pm; not STV Tim Marlow’s admirably unadorned visual arts series returns to profile a man not unscrutinised over the years, but if this pen portrait fails to add much new to the David Hockney story, it’s an efficient and entertaining primer, focusing on his Royal Academy landscape and portraiture exhibitions of 2012 and 2016. GT The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ★★★★☆ ITV4, 9.00pm Continuing the story of Jason Bourne, this sequel sees the former assassin (Matt Damon) living in Goa with his girlfriend Marie (Franka Potente) when a Russian assassin arrives to plunge him back into the deep end of a CIA conspiracy. While this is not quite on a par with the first film, Paul Greengrass’s direction is typically exhilarating, and Joan Allen and Brian Cox lend excellent support. Cocktail (1988) ★★★☆☆ Sony Movie Channel, 11.10pm Tom Cruise plays a tequila-tossing barman in this romantic drama which cashed in on his heart-throb image. After leaving the army, Brian (Cruise) gets a job working in a Manhattan bar. His Martini mentor is Doug (Bryan Brown), who soon teaches him the tricks of the trade, but when the pair fall out over a girl, Brian heads for the Caribbean. It’s a bland concoction but strangely agreeable. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) ★★★★☆ Film4, 11.15pm This startling debut by Marielle Heller shows the funny side of a teenager’s explorations into her sexuality as a 15-year-old wannabe cartoonist Minnie (Bel Powley) seduces her mother’s 35-year-old boyfriend Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård). Heller’s nimble direction and clever script ensure that the film never paints either Minnie or Monroe entirely as victim or predator. Friday 11 May Thure Lindhardt and Sofia Helin in The Bridge Credit: BBC The Bridge BBC Two, 9.00pm With the exception perhaps of Wallander, of all the Scandi-noir characters that we’ve seen in recent years it is The Bridge’s Saga Norén (Sofia Helin), a committed Malmö detective with a level of social dysfunction that implies autism, who has burrowed deepest into the hearts of UK viewers. She struggles to cope emotionally with the world around her, but that only makes us like her all the more. When last we saw Saga, at the close of series three two years ago, she had solved another major murder case but stood accused herself of killing her abusive mother. At least she had the consolation of meeting a soulmate of sorts in Henrik Sabroe (Thure Lindhardt), a police colleague from across the Øresund bridge linking Sweden and Denmark, and a man deeply damaged by the murder of his wife and the disappearance of his two young daughters. At the start of this instantly gripping fourth and final series, things are not looking good for Saga as she wakes up in a cold, grey, unfamiliar environment. Meanwhile, Henrik is called to the scene of a particularly grizzly murder in Copenhagen that has a link to the controversial deportation of an Iranian illegal immigrant. Gerard O’Donovan Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist Netflix, from today A bank raid gone wrong, a horrific bomb-collar murder, a cat and mouse hunt by the FBI to track down a former beauty queen turned self-styled criminal. This anticipated documentary picks apart the bizarre story of the so-called “pizza bomber heist” that gripped the city of Erie, Pennsylvania, in 2003. Fifteen years later, the discovery of new evidence suggests that the story could be even more strange. The One Show: NHS Patients Awards Special BBC One, 7.00pm A special edition marking the 70th anniversary of the NHS and celebrating the work of doctors, nurses and medical staff who deliver outstanding care – as nominated by viewers and the Patients Association. Matt Baker and Alex Jones present. BBC Young Musician 2018 BBC Four, 7.30pm Violinist Nicola Benedetti and trumpeter Alison Balsom join presenter Josie D’Arby for the competition’s semi-final, in which five individual category winners – including percussionist Matthew Brett, cellist Maxim Calver and saxophonist Robert Burton – compete for a place in the final. The judges include conductor Jessica Cottis and composer Kerry Andrew. GO Unreported World Channel 4, 7.30pm Krishnan Guru-Murthy reports from the popular tourist resorts of the Dominican Republic, where a UN investigation has uncovered shocking crimes against young people at the hands of sex tourists. Britain’s Great Cathedrals with Tony Robinson Channel 5, 8.00pm In the final programme of his excellent series, Tony Robinson recounts the tangled – and entertaining – history of Winchester Cathedral, whose bishops were once among the richest, most influential and worst behaved in Britain – and where one of England’s greatest novelists, Jane Austen, is buried. Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain Channel 5, 9.00pm Bringing his foray to a close, former defence secretary Michael Portillo visits the village of Imber on the Salisbury Plain, which was taken over by the Army in 1943 for use as a wartime training ground and, despite promises to the contrary, still remains in the hands of the military. GO Test Cricket: Ireland v Pakistan Sky Sports Main Event, 11.50pm A historic occasion, this, as Ireland play their first-ever Test match, with Pakistan as the opposition at Malahide Cricket Club. Over the next few years, Ireland will have 60-65 home internationals, including 15 Test matches. Uncapped batsman Imam-ul-Haq, the nephew of former skipper Inzamam, has been named in Pakistan’s squad. Northern Soul (2014) ★★★☆☆ Film4, 11.15pm The nostalgia is potent in this chronicle of the popular northern soul dance halls in the Seventies. The soundtrack is as evocative and wonderful as you might expect, and the drama offers a charming slice of social and cultural Lancashire history. It’s just a shame that the storyline has to follow the same innocent young man led astray/conflict-resolution story arc of nearly every coming-of-age film out there. Buried (2010) ★★★☆☆ BBC One, 11.55pm; N Ireland, 12.25am Ryan Reynolds plays an American truck driver ambushed in Iraq and buried by insurgents in a coffin, with only a phone and a Zippo lighter at his disposal. One might assume the dramatic opportunities for a man in this predicament are finite, but Chris Sparling’s inventive screenplay and Rodrigo Cortés’ direction open up the story beyond the confines of the space in which Reynolds is trapped. The Crying Game (1992) ★★★☆ Channel 4, 12.05am Neil Jordan’s tremendous psychological thriller, set against the backdrop of the Irish Troubles, still contains one of the great cinematic twists. Stephen Rea stars as Provisional IRA volunteer Fergus, who helps to kidnap a British soldier (US actor Forest Whitaker) in order to secure the release of jailed IRA members. However, things go wrong when Fergus begins to form a bond with his prisoner. Television previewers Toby Dantzic, Sarah Hughes, Gerard O'Donovan, Vicki Power and Gabriel Tate
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Autumn Internationals - Scotland vs Australia - BT Murrayfield, Edinburgh, Britain - November 25, 2017 Australia's Will Genia in action REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
Autumn Internationals - Scotland vs Australia
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Autumn Internationals - Scotland vs Australia - BT Murrayfield, Edinburgh, Britain - November 25, 2017 Australia's Will Genia in action REUTERS/Russell Cheyne
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Hampden Park must remain Scotland's football ground, says Craig Brown
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Hampden Park must remain Scotland's football ground, says Craig Brown
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Hampden Park must remain Scotland's football ground, says Craig Brown
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Hampden Park must remain Scotland's football ground, says Craig Brown
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
Hampden Park must remain Scotland's football ground, says Craig Brown
Craig Brown added his voice to the calls for Hampden Park to remain Scotland’s home ground, as the Scottish Football Association consider whether or not to buy the stadium from its current owners, Queens Park. An agreement for a purchase in principle was agreed recently but, as Telegraph Sport revealed this week, some on the SFA board have yet to be convinced that their organisation should take on the task of stadium ownership. Their counterparts at the Scottish Rugby Union own Murrayfield and have been lobbying hard for that Edinburgh ground to stage international football. Hearts played at Murrayfield earlier this season while the main stand at their Tynecastle home was reconstructed and Brown, a non-executive director at Aberdeen, sampled the ground first-hand when the Pittodrie side visited in September. “The atmosphere wasn’t what you would want for a football match,” Brown said. Leader: Alex McLeish is unveiled by the SFA as the new Scotland National Team manager at Hampden Park Credit: Getty “The Hearts folk would definitely agree with that. Look at the upturn in their form when they went back to Tynecastle. They were yearning to get back to Tynecastle and they kept saying it. Craig Levein said that their fortunes would change when they got back – and they did. “Murrayfield has a great atmosphere for the rugby but our fans were so far behind the goals they needed a telescope to see the game. “We’ve surely got to be ambitious enough to own our own stadium. Hampden is a stadium of neutrality for cup semi-finals and finals. If they get a good new surface you can play under-21 games, which you couldn’t do the day before senior internationals, because the schedule for the U-21s is now different. “You can’t live in the past. You’ve got to look forward, but Hampden is the spiritual home of Scottish football. It needs a wee bit of revamping if we can afford it. What an impact it would make if Ian Maxwell, the new SFA chief executive, could do that, but the purse strings are the next question we’ve got. Where are we going to get the money? Hampden Park was an exciting place to be during the recent Old Firm Cup semi Credit: Getty “Look what Fergus McCann did at Celtic Park. Incredible. Doing that here would be great. I’m surprised and disappointed that it’s still in the balance but with a bit of expenditure here – bring the two ends in – what a stadium you’ve got. The main stand is good and the north stand is good. “It’s behind the goal that you’re a bit far from the action. Some Scotland players liked playing at Ibrox or Celtic Park because the atmosphere was slightly better but when Leigh Griffiths scored his two goals vs England here last year the country was in ecstasy for five minutes and there was no hint of ‘what are we doing at Hampden?’ The place was buzzing. “Those two goals confirmed what it would be like if Scottish football was a success. I’m sure big Alex McLeish will get it like that. I really fancy him as the manager here.” Brown was speaking at an event at Hampden to mark the publication of a memoir about Scotland’s participation in the finals of six World Cup tournaments between 1974 and 1998 by veteran commentator Archie McPherson.* History: Alfredo Di Stefano scores for Real Madrid during the legendary 7-3 demolition of Eintracht Frankfurt in 1960 Credit: Getty Alex McLeish, the current Scotland manager, was also in attendance after having appeared earlier at the stadium to publicise the next round of Scottish Football Hall of Fame inductions. Asked to predict the outcome of the three-way race to finish second in the Scottish Premiership - involving Rangers, Aberdeen and Hibernian – McLeish said: “Aberdeen bounced back really well last week after a poor Scottish Cup semi-final. They did have Kenny McLean and Shay Logan back. “You need to have the players. It’s not easy for a manager if he doesn't quite have the replacements for top players when they go out of the team and that's always something that has to be factored in. “It shows that Aberdeen are capable and their experience of getting the second place in the last few years is going to stand them in good stead. Hibs are coming like a train at the moment - an unstoppable train - but, again, it's hard not see Rangers in the top two.” 1980: Scotland v England at Hampden Park. Kenny Dalglish beats his club mate Phil Thompson to the ball. Credit: Getty Of Sunday’s Old Firm derby at Parkhead, at which Celtic are overwhelming favourites to clinch a seventh successive title against a Rangers side who were beaten comprehensively by Brendan Rodgers’ players in the William Hill Scottish Cup semi-finals, McLeish said: “A draw's a disaster, a defeat is even worse. I can imagine the week that Graeme Murty had after the Celtic game but he bounced back with a good result. “Celtic will be huge favourites and Rangers haven't done well these games and there's always anticipation - could this be the one that Rangers get the result?” * Adventures in the Golden Age, by Archie McPherson (Black & White Publishing, £11.99)
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Australia vs Scotland - Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney, Australia - June 17, 2017 - Australia's Israel Folau jumps to catch the ball and score a try above Scotland's Greig Tonks. REUTERS/David Gray
Rugby Union - Australia vs Scotland
FILE PHOTO: Rugby Union - Australia vs Scotland - Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney, Australia - June 17, 2017 - Australia's Israel Folau jumps to catch the ball and score a try above Scotland's Greig Tonks. REUTERS/David Gray
<p>Steaming scrum: The British & Irish Lions and Maori All Blacks engage during a match at Rotorua International Stadium in Rotorua, New Zealand, June 17, 2017.<br>All players in the Maori All Blacks must have a confirmed Maori whakapapa, or genealogy. The British & Irish Lions is a composite squad formed every year by players from England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, selected by the coach who oversees the tour. The squad tours every four years through one of the southern hemisphere’s big three rugby union nations: Australia, New Zealand and South Africa. The Rotorua match was played in wet conditions and ended with a 10-32 win for the Lions. (Photo: Stephen McCarthy/SportsFile) </p>
Sports, second prize singles: Stephen McCarthy, Ireland

Steaming scrum: The British & Irish Lions and Maori All Blacks engage during a match at Rotorua International Stadium in Rotorua, New Zealand, June 17, 2017.
All players in the Maori All Blacks must have a confirmed Maori whakapapa, or genealogy. The British & Irish Lions is a composite squad formed every year by players from England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, selected by the coach who oversees the tour. The squad tours every four years through one of the southern hemisphere’s big three rugby union nations: Australia, New Zealand and South Africa. The Rotorua match was played in wet conditions and ended with a 10-32 win for the Lions. (Photo: Stephen McCarthy/SportsFile)

Rugby Union - Hong Kong Sevens - South Africa v Scotland - Hong Kong Stadium, Hong Kong, China - April 7, 2018 South Africa&#39;s James Murphy is tackled. REUTERS/Bobby Yip
Hong Kong Sevens
Rugby Union - Hong Kong Sevens - South Africa v Scotland - Hong Kong Stadium, Hong Kong, China - April 7, 2018 South Africa's James Murphy is tackled. REUTERS/Bobby Yip
Rugby Union - Hong Kong Sevens - South Africa v Scotland - Hong Kong Stadium, Hong Kong, China - April 7, 2018 South Africa&#39;s Marco Labuschagne scores a try. REUTERS/Bobby Yip
Hong Kong Sevens
Rugby Union - Hong Kong Sevens - South Africa v Scotland - Hong Kong Stadium, Hong Kong, China - April 7, 2018 South Africa's Marco Labuschagne scores a try. REUTERS/Bobby Yip

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