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What absolutely will happen in the Premier League this weekend: Wenger to make peace with Mourinho, Mahrez in the shop window and more
West Brom to finally be put out of their misery, Southampton to cling on by the skin of their teeth, and Arsene Wenger’s final Old Trafford visit to go nice and peacefully – here’s what’s likely to go down in the Premier League this weekend…
Liverpool vs Stoke
Put your mortgage on…
An even more makeshift and second-gear Liverpool team than in last weekend’s draw with West Brom. Tuesday night’s Champions League excitement came at the long-term cost of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and a limping Sadio Mane and, while the defence and attack can be easily rotated, Jurgen Klopp’s midfield might be tip-toeing around a bit against Stoke.
READ MORE: Gossip – Spurs ‘to raise £170m by selling key quartet in the summer’
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
November 2000: Stoke miss an open goal in the first few minutes of a League Cup fourth-round visit from Liverpool…and then lose 8-0. Even the Stoke scoreboard loses count in the end:
Burnley vs Brighton
Put your mortgage on…
Some mutual managerial back-slapping for a 2017/18 job well done. Sean Dyche’s Burnley have clattered into their glass ceiling of 7th, which will bring European football to Turf Moor for the first time since 1967, while Brighton are likely to finish in the comforts of mid-table under Chris Hughton.
Expect a warm, firm and very earnest pre-match handshake in that technical area.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February, 1978: the pre-match entertainment at the Goldstone Ground before the visit of Burnley is Slade, with their absolutely-not-hit single “Give Us A Goal”. The lyrics, thus:
Hear the crowds a howling
Hey did ya see the fouling
The ref needs specs he’s deaf dumb and blind
Shoot you silly f-fool
Ok now show ’em we rule
The goalie’s sat down on his behind
Anyway, apologies for that – if you’re still here, that is – and here’s Craig Mackail-Smith scoring a glorious bicycle kick for Brighton at Turf Moor back in 2012:
Crystal Palace vs Leicester
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Two end-of-season, shop-window performances from wingers who have outgrown their surroundings. Wilfried Zaha and Riyad Mahrez won’t have a World Cup in which to show off their talents to the elite clubs, so these last few games of the season are their final audition for the summer transfer window.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
December, 1997: Some vintage Muzzy Izzet rescues a point for Leicester in the 90th minute against Palace at Filbert Street.
Huddersfield vs Everton
Put your mortgage on…
A well-rested Huddersfield to take a big step to Premier League safety…and open up their manager to some exciting questions. German football magazine Kicker this week raised the possibility of David Wagner as Chelsea’s managerial plan B this summer, while the man himself insisted he wanted to secure the club’s top-flight status before discussing his future with the chairman.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
August, 2010: Everton hand Huddersfield a League Cup thrashing at Goodison Park. Not that retro, you might think, until you hear the words “Jack Rodwell producing the kind of finish that should have Fabio Capello looking in his direction” and it might as well have been a thousand years ago.
Newcastle vs West Brom
Put your mortgage on…
Thanks for everything West Brom, and goodbye.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February, 2009: Newcastle find themselves 2-1 up after just nine minutes at the Hawthorns, and John Motson can’t quite believe what he’s seeing…
Southampton vs Bournemouth
Put your mortgage on…
Southampton’s last stand. 3-2 defeats against Arsenal and Chelsea would have been no disgrace in any other month, but there were some reasons for encouragement for Mark Hughes to take away. It now comes down to this: if they can’t beat Bournemouth at home, perhaps they don’t deserve to be in the division.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
March, 2011: Enjoy the soundtrack and bold video effects here – very “Watchdog reconstruction”, actually – and also Rickie Lambert’s free kick for Southampton against Bournemouth back in their League One days.
Swansea vs Chelsea
Put your mortgage on…
Chelsea to give fourth-placed Tottenham something to think about all weekend. With four games to go, Spurs have an advantage of five points and a superior goal difference, but Antonio Conte’s side will aim to make the first move with a win over Swansea.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
April, 1981: Swansea are within touching distance of the top flight, while Chelsea’s goalkeeper is wearing blue tights. Only one winner, then.
West Ham vs Man City
Put your mortgage on…
A record-equalling 30th Premier League win of Manchester City’s season. Who can stop them? Certainly not a three-man defence of Aaron Cresswell, Angelo Ogbonna and Declan Rice.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
March, 1996: Judgement Day for Man City as “The Terminator”, Julian Dicks, lasers one home from 30 yards in a 4-2 win at Upton Park…
Man Utd vs Arsenal
Put your mortgage on…
A peaceful conclusion to Arsene Wenger-Old Trafford relations. Flying water bottles, flying pizzas, an 8-2 defeat and a title-winning goal: Wenger’s seen it all on Manchester United’s turf, and he’s unlikely to re-open any wounds here as his farewell tour makes its last few stops. Even Jose Mourinho will probably stay in his lane.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
October, 1990: the first blows are struck in a compelling 1990s rivalry, as United and Arsenal go at it on the Old Trafford turf. It all looks quite tame nearly 30 years on, but both sides were docked points (!) and fined £50,000. That’s probably worth it for the chance to give Nigel Winterburn a mild shoeing, though.
Tottenham vs Watford
Put your mortgage on…
Remember that thing Tottenham were given to think about all weekend? This will be their answer: missing out on the Champions League would be one “bottle job” too far, surely.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
September, 1994: Tottenham bring Jurgen Klinsmann and Ilie Dumitrescu to Vicarage Road for a League Cup tie, and carnage ensues…
