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What absolutely WILL happen in the Premier League this weekend
Laps of appreciation, Arsene Wenger’s final (final, FINAL) appearance, Liverpool to wrap up the fourth place trophy, Manchester City to reach their century and West Ham vs Everton to put us in a World Cup mood: here’s what’s going to unfold on the very last day of the 2017/18 Premier League season…
Burnley vs Bournemouth
Put your mortgage on…
One of the more satisfied final-day “laps of appreciation” in the Premier League this weekend. Burnley are assured of their highest finish since 1974, when they finished sixth – but this time they will have European football as a reward. At a time when the Europa League feels like a mixed blessing for the bigger clubs, Sean Dyche’s side should thoroughly enjoy it.
READ MORE: Gossip – United ‘offer Martial for Perisic’, Juve’s £15m Morata bid
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February, 1994: Burnley give Bournemouth (and their disgusting kit) a hammering back in Division Two.
Crystal Palace vs West Brom
Put your mortgage on…
A sharp contrast of the will-haves and the will-have-nots. West Brom were relegated without kicking a ball in midweek and so, at a forward-looking Selhurst Park, it will be a team uncertain of their future who Darren Moore sends out for one last Premier League hurrah. Daniel Sturridge, Jonny Evans, Jay Rodriguez and Salomon Rondon, among others, will presumably decide that they don’t see themselves as Championship footballers just yet.
READ MORE: Danny Murphy’s London Premier League winners and losers of 2017-18 season
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February, 2004: Mild mayhem at the Hawthorns as Bryan Robson’s eventual Great Escapers think they have all three points against Palace…
Huddersfield vs Arsenal
Put your mortgage on…
A low-key Premier League exit for Arsene Wenger. The formal goodbyes have been completed, the wine has been presented and the last 8.45am press conference has been held – away to Huddersfield may not be the most auspicious way to bow out but, since this is where Herbert Chapman emerged as a managerial force almost a century ago, perhaps it’s entirely appropriate.
READ MORE: Gossip – Jose wants Mertens, Fellaini to Milan
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
April, 1930: Herbert Chapman secures Arsenal the FA Cup for the first time, beating his former side Huddersfield 2-0 in the final at Wembley. They’ve won a few more since then.
Liverpool vs Brighton
Put your mortgage on…
Liverpool to take care of Champions League business before the Champions League show business begins. A draw is all that’s required to keep Chelsea at arm’s length from the top four, but you doubt that Jurgen Klopp will countenance his front-foot side leaving any doubt against a team still basking in the satisfaction of Premier League survival.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
February, 1983: Brighton’s march to the FA Cup final continues with a barnstorming 2-1 win at Anfield, sealed with a thumping volley…
Manchester United vs Watford
Put your mortgage on…
Jose Mourinho making another muddled statement with his front line. Second place may have been confirmed in midweek, but a strike partnership of Alexis Sanchez and Jesse Lingard was not the answer to his Lukaku-less problem. Anthony Martial and Marcus Rashford were left out against West Ham, but one or both should be given another brief FA Cup final audition here – but who knows where they stand by now?
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
May, 1982: Watford and Manchester United go at it in the second leg of the FA Youth Cup final – keep an eye out for a young Mark Hughes amid the eight-goal chaos.
Newcastle vs Chelsea
Put your mortgage on…
Olivier Giroud and Eden Hazard to mysteriously reappear in Antonio Conte’s starting line-up, after being rested for the midweek must-win frustration against Huddersfield. The word on the Chelsea grapevine is that the players were bemused by the squad rotation for such a crucial game. With Champions League football now almost out of the equation, they won’t have to worry about Conte’s decisions much longer…
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
September, 1995: Les Ferdinand does the damage, with a little help from Dimitri Kharine, in a 2-0 win at St James’ Park.
Southampton vs Manchester City
Put your mortgage on…
100 points. The Premier League records of 31 wins and 105 goals were formalities for Manchester City, but this is a serious benchmark and one that surely eclipses the much-debated achievement of the Invincibles. Going unbeaten is a symbolic thing, but a century of points in any division, in any season, is an unequivocal declaration of dominance. One more win will do it.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
September, 1999: Southampton edge a seven-goal League Cup thriller at the Dell, despite the best efforts of Paul Dickov and Shaun Goater for City.
Swansea vs Stoke City
Put your mortgage on…
Swansea to fall well, well short of their mathematical target. A ten-goal swing is what they need to survive – and the most damning thing you can say is that it’s more likely that Manchester City will beat Southampton 9-0 than Swansea scoring more than once in a football match.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
January, 1955: Back when England was 90% mud, Swansea take care of Stoke in the FA Cup fourth round…
Tottenham vs Leicester
Put your mortgage on…
Spurs to leave Wembley without any trace of a curse. Champions League football has been secured for their new stadium next season, thanks in part to six wins from seven on the “home” turf of the national stadium. Wembley, ultimately, has served them perfectly well.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
March, 1999: These two sides’ last meeting at Wembley ends in League Cup glory for Spurs, but not before Justin Edinburgh bids a good afternoon to Robbie Savage.
West Ham vs Everton
Put your mortgage on…
An utterly unwatchable 90 minutes, which will serve only to whet your appetite for the playoffs/Cup final/World Cup/anything else.
The match, according to Ceefax…
Retro indulgence
The original #ClassyTouch: Paolo Di Canio earns applause from the Everton fans and the FIFA Fair Play Award for his deliberate handball.
