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How to get help for self-harm
Self-harm is very common, affecting around one in 10 young people and teenagers in the UK. If you or someone close to you is affected by self-harm you might feel like no one understands, but you are not alone and help is available.
It can be difficult to talk about, but if you or someone you know is affected by self-harm don't be afraid to ask for help. To enable you to get the support you need, we spoke to the experts to find out why some people self-harm, and how you can access the right treatment:
What is self-harm?
Self-harm can be defined as someone who intentionally damages or injures their body as a way of dealing with difficult feelings, painful memories, or overwhelming situations, says Glenys Jackson, Clinical Lead for Mental Health at Bupa UK. 'There are lots of different forms of self-harming: some people will use the same all the time while others will use different ways,' she adds.
Self-harm is not the same as attempting to take your own life. 'It's formally known as non-suicidal self-injury disorder (NSSID), as acts of self-harm are usually carried out without intention of an individual ending their life,' Jackson explains.
Who might self-harm?
While self-harm can affect anyone, it is a common behaviour in young people, with one in 10 teens thought to have self-harmed at some point.
'External factors can make an individual more predisposed to self-harm, such as existing mental health conditions, lifestyle factors, such as school-stress or relationship issues, or having experienced a bereavement by suicide,' adds Jackson.
'For those who have no experience of self-harm, it can be hard to comprehend why an individual would hurt themselves,' she says. 'But understanding the reasons behind their actions is important when it comes to getting the right support.'
Why do people self-harm?
Self-harm is a complex issue and there are many reasons why different people might self-harm. According to Katriona O’ Connor, registered Integrative Therapist from We Listen Therapy, common reasons can include the following:
Needing to self-soothe or self-comfort.
Reducing overwhelming emotional feelings or thoughts by changing them into physical pain.
To have a sense of being in control.
Escaping traumatic memories.
Punishing themselves for their feelings and experiences.
To stop feeling numb, disconnected or dissociated; ie to “feel” something.
'People self-harm for many reason, for some it’s a circuit breaker for unwanted thoughts and feelings, for others it’s a way of dealing with trauma, self-punishment for feelings, or a way of numbing themselves,' agrees Dr Maryhan, an experienced psychologist and parenting expert. 'The relief itself is not long-lasting, and there is often a need to repeat the self-harm.'
How to stop self-harming
To break the self-harm cycle the first thing to know is that you are not alone, and people care about you. The Samaritans are available to take your call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year if you need to speak to someone. The following steps can also help:
✔️ Reach out to others
Your first step is to ask for help. 'I would encourage anyone who is self-harming to reach out and speak to someone – whether that’s a helpline, a member of their family, or a friend,' says Dr Maryhan. 'There is no shame in feeling overwhelmed.'
✔️ Find distractions
Finding a distraction and channeling your energy into something positive can help. 'Distractions could be found in exercise, such as running or dancing, or even something as simple as tearing something up or shouting,' says Jackson.
'Writing down what happens physically when the urge comes over you can help,' adds O'Connor.
✔️ Ask for help
It's important to note that the above are only short-term solutions. 'Seeking medical support for self-harm is key to accessing long-term help,' says Dr Maryhan.
Signs someone you know is self-harming
If you are concerned that a family member or someone you know is self-harming, people often hide what they are doing from others and it's not always obvious.
'Someone who is self-harming will likely try to conceal this from others, they will often try to hide any evidence that they have been hurting themselves, particularly if they don’t know how to talk about their experience, or how to vocalise their feelings,' explains Jackson.
If you are concerned that your child or loved one is affected by self-harm, here are the most common signs to look out for:
Unexplained cuts, bruises or burns, often on their wrists, arms, thighs and chest.
Spending increased amounts of time on their own.
Wearing long sleeves, and trousers or tights, even in hot weather.
Refusing to get changed in front of other people, for example for PE or in changing rooms.
Excessive physical exercise.
Signs they have been pulling their hair out.
Changes in eating habits – be it over-eating or under-eating.
Changes in mood, spending long periods of time alone in their room, or becoming more irritable, less sociable or more withdrawn.
5 ways to support someone affected by self-harm
If your child or a loved one is affected by self-harm, don't panic. There are lots of things you can do to help, including the following:
1. Manage your own emotional response
How you react to the situation is important. 'While it can be shocking and alarming for the person who finds a loved-one self harming, managing your own emotional response is crucial,' says O'Connor. 'A calm and understanding ear is essential.'
2. Talk about it
If your child or someone close to you hurts themselves, talking to them should be the first step. 'It can be very distressing to find out that your child self-harms but try not to judge or confront their actions – especially when addressing their self-harm for the first time,' says Jackson. 'Remember to keep communication open and let them know you're always there to talk them through a difficult situation,' she adds.
3. Acknowledge their feelings
Your first instinct might be confusion or anger, but in order to relate to a young person in turmoil, compassion and understanding is key. 'Validating their experience with sentences like “I can understand why you would feel like that”, “I can see you have a lot going on right now” will encourage them to open up,' says O'Connor.
'Be sensitive and try to acknowledge what they are feeling,' adds Jackson. 'Reassure them and let them know that you understand that what they are going through is very real for them, and that you’re there to support them.'
4. Find new ways to communicate
If talking about it is difficult for one or both of you, develop code words to communicate. 'Creating a signal, a text or something between you both, that does not require them to say it explicitly can be effective,' advises O'Connor.
5. Seek professional help
If you are a parent and your child is affected by self-harm, it's normal to want to take care of your child and resolve the situation. But help is at hand with professionals who understand what the condition really means, so don't be afraid to reach out for guidance and support. 'Reach out for help if you have serious concerns by contacting your GP or seek direct professional help with a trained therapist,' says Dr Maryhan.
Self-harm treatment
Treatment for people affected by self-harm will vary depending on the individual. 'Speaking to your GP about self-harm can provide access to the right help,' explains Jackson. 'If you’re concerned about your child, your doctor may refer them to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) in your local area.
'CAMHS specialise in treating children and young people and will be able to assess and treat your child. Here your child may be able to access mental health specialists and treatments to help them process and work through their self-harm.'
'On a clinical level, there are lots of mental health professionals who can help, as well as helplines, charities and text lines,' adds O'Connor. 'In the first instance, I would recommend speaking to your GP who can help signpost resources available to you like talking therapy.'
Self-harm resources
The following websites, apps and tools can help if you or someone close to you is affected by self-harm:
Mind: making sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.
Harmless: working to overcome issues related to self-harm and suicide.
Self-injury support: UK- wide self-harm and self-injury charity offering support, reliable information, expert training and specialist consultancy.
DistrACT app: quick and discreet access to information and advice about self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
LifeSIGNS: Self-injury guidance and network support.
The National Self Harm Network: Support individuals who self harm to reduce emotional distress and improve their quality of life.
Young Minds: UK charity fighting for children and young people's mental health.
Last updated: 24-02-2021
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