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Oh Uniteds! Newcastle follow Manchester to Big Cup Hall of Shame
UNTIED
Blackburn Rovers 1995-96, Manchester United 2005-06, Manchester City 2012-13. Before this week’s events, this was the complete list of Premier League teams to have finished bottom of their Big Cup group. This season, two English clubs have ended up bottom of the pile, wrapping up their European adventures before Football Daily had wrapped up/bought/thought about buying any Christmas presents. Oh Uniteds! Newcastle followed Manchester into the Big Cup Hall of Shame on Wednesday night; the Magpies’ campaign did not come close to the “we’re-gonna-concede-one-more-than-you”, out-of-control-clown-car escapades of Erik ten Hag’s side, but in its own way was just as disappointing.
With 35 minutes left to play, Newcastle had a two-goal buffer of sorts, leading Milan through Joelinton’s strangely understated fizzer while PSG trailed at Dortmund. And then came the double sucker punch: PSG levelled in Germany before Milan’s Christian Pulisic added the second blow to the solar plexus to level the scores at St James’ Park. It was classic Big Cup cruelty, waiting for the moment Newcastle fans finally began to believe before pulling the rug from under them with a flourish.
In a painful further twist, PSG ended up settling for a draw, after Kylian Mbappé was denied by Niklas Süle’s telescopic leg and Uefa’s cybernetic offside detector. Newcastle paid the price for failing Rule 1 of group-stage escape: if you need to win your game, win your game. Rule 2 goes something like this: if you miss out on qualifying to a team you thumped 4-1 in the second game, something has clearly gone awry.
While Football Daily worked out who to root for in a battle of Saudi, Qatari and US investors, Samuel Chukwueze’s fine late finish allowed Milan to take third place and force Newcastle out of the Big Vase funnel. Well, who cares about that, you might ask. But hold on – rival fans enjoying a good laugh at Manchester and Newcastle United’s expense might want to think about The Coefficient. Please, won’t somebody think of The Coefficient? Both teams exiting Europe in December leaves the Best League In The World™ trailing the Bundesliga and Serie A in the race for a fifth spot in the weird new Bigger Cup format next season. It’s a blow for the likes of Tottenham, currently fifth in the Premier League, and the two teams directly below them – oh, it’s Manchester United and Newcastle.
In order to squeeze five English teams into Big Cup next terms, Big Vase/Pot progress this season may be crucial. Those group stages wrap up later today, with Brighton and Liverpool (Vase) and Aston Villa (Pot) already through to the knockouts. That’s no excuse for Premier League fans of all stripes not to gather round their televisions and cheer every goal to the rafters. Do you want a resourceful, overachieving club like Bologna getting Our League’s extra place? Because that’s what could happen. While the Premier League flaps about to try and get back on its perch, four Spanish clubs have advanced to Monday’s Big Cup last-16 tombola as group winners. All four are also playing catch-up in La Liga to leaders Girona, a satellite team in the Manchester City universe. Football: still a funny old game.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Sarah Rendell for piping hot Women’s Big Cup action at Stamford Bridge: Chelsea 2-2 Häcken as the Blues attempt to leapfrog the Swedish side to the top of Group D. Elsewhere Niall McVeigh (and later Will Unwin) will helm a Big Vase/Pot clockwatch, taking in such delights as Union Saint-Gilloise 0-3 Liverpool, Brighton 1-1 Marseille, West Ham 1-2 Freiburg and Real Betis 4-1 Rangers.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I want Bournemouth to play in Europe – that’s our goal. It’s not going to be easy but I’m confident we can get there. Brighton are a great inspiration, they do a terrific job. I certainly think we can be in Europe within five years” – a couple of good results and Cherries chairman Bill Foley, an American billionaire, has got this whole footy business figured out. Just don’t tell Todd Boehly, Bill!
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“Wonderful predictions in yesterday’s Daily – presumably by Rob Smyth – for Wednesday Night’s Big Cup scores, spoiled only by a late-ish consolation goal by Justine Kielland for Brann. Any tips for the weekend’s fixtures, Rob?” – Richie Philpott.
“There are at least 36 Masters Degree courses in football management on offer in the UK. I’d suggest that question 1 on their final exam papers should read: ‘Football matches in the Championship continue to function perfectly well without VAR. Discuss’” – Mick Beeby.
“Re yesterdays Football Daily: “Rashford and Anthony Martial missed last night’s game through illness after standing around in the cold for too long at St James’ Park.” Hopefully Manuel Neuer doesn’t fall ill after standing around in the cold at Old Trafford” – Thomas Lund Hansen.
Send any letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Thomas Lund Hansen, who gets a copy of Reign of the Lionesses, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their brilliant football book store here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
It’s Football Weekly Extra time: Max Rushden, Nicky Bandini, Archie Rhind-Tutt and Lars Sivertsen chew the fat and dissect a wild week of Big Cup action, while previewing this weekend’s Premier League games.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Rebecca Welch will become the first woman to referee a Premier League match when she takes charge of Fulham’s home match against Burnley on 23 December.
BREAKING NEWS: Mr and Mrs 15% are still scooping in the loot. Even more than before, in fact. Clubs spent more than £700m on fees for agents and intermediaries in 2023.
Mikel Arteta has escaped punishment following a FA charge after a post-match rant at refereeing standards in last month’s defeat at Newcastle, in which he called some decisions “embarrassing” and a “disgrace”.
Big Ange wants a shiny new centre back at Spurs in January. “At the moment we’re on tenterhooks in case something else happens.” sighed the Australian.
Emma Hayes says Lauren James “is not in a very good place” after receiving racist abuse on social media. The Chelsea manager compared the forward’s treatment to that of David Beckham in 1998. “It’s fair to say that if I’m in her position I’d be thinking there is racial profiling going on,” said Hayes.
Manchester City: next gen. Goals from Micah Hamilton and Oscar Bobb at Red Star Belgrade had Pep in full gushing mode. “Wow. What a goal, eh!” whooped Pep of Hamilton. “I’m so happy for him.”
Legia Warsaw fans have been banned from their team’s next five Euro aways after some pwopah nawty behaviour at Aston Villa last month in Tin Pot.
José Mourinho, despite managing these days in Serie A, has returned to a favourite target, Pep and Manchester City, as he seeks to explain Roma’s slide. As ever, José wants more players. “Not that I’m jealous,” wailed the Portuguese, not at all jealously, but Man City paid €80m for Kalvin Phillips and now Pep has said it would be better for him to leave in January. So he’ll leave and they’ll get someone else.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Max Rushden’s column has a reference to John McGinn barging past a triceratops and a nice picture of a Manchester City-themed Santa. What’s not to like?
Copenhagen soar, Sergio Ramos skulduggery, Manchester United and Newcastle misery. Get your Champions League matchday six grades.
Jonathan Wilson, renowned Sunderland fan, picks over the bones of Newcastle’s misery.
There is a lack of diversity in UK women’s football, writes Eni Aluko, and a change in approach to player recruitment is needed.
As Euro 2024 nears, Matt Ford reports on the developing violence between police and fans in the host country, Germany, with cops accused of unnecessary brutality.
MEMORY LANE
Hugo Gatti, the legendary Argentinian goalkeeper, pictured (left) as a 22-year-old unused squad member of his country’s 1966 World Cup. He played a record number of Argentinian league matches, 765, and is best known for being the Boca Juniors keeper when they won the Copa Libertadores in 1977 and 1978. And the Intercontinental Cup in 1977, when Boca beat Borussia Mönchengladbach, who played that two-legged match because Liverpool refused to participate. Despite that trip to England for the World Cup, he only won 17 international caps, as the incumbent was Ubaldo Fillol, the country’s keeper when they lifted the 1978 World Cup. “El Loco” – as Gatti was known – was seen as less reliable than his great rival despite, just like Fillol, saving a record 26 penalty kicks. Long-haired Gatti was known for his forays outfield to challenge defenders and for possessing a decent first touch for a goalkeeper. Now 79, he became notorious for stating that Emi Martínez was Argentina’s true hero at the Human Rights World Cup. “The goalkeeper was more important than Messi,” roared Gatti. “He covered the fundamental balls, he won the penalties.”
